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Old 13-08-2011, 16:14   #76
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

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Originally Posted by zeehag View Post
...what is wrong with owning the boat first...?
Good point. Want to decide your own life before talking someone into joining you in it.

Myself, I had a previous boat and cruised with my ex-wife. Divorce saw the boat go away. For me both a new wife and a new boat together is just the way it is happening.
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Old 13-08-2011, 16:16   #77
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

if ye get boat first, when the deevorse comes , you get to keep- the boat.....just a helpful reminder.....
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Old 13-08-2011, 16:23   #78
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Originally Posted by zeehag
i have noticed that you men look for the woman before looking for the boat. wtf, anyway. you then complain the woman you find doesnt appreciate the fact you are a sailor or wanna be a sailor, and then have a long bitch fest about not having a woman to join you on your dream journey even tho you dont even own a boat .

what is wrong with owning the boat first, seeing if you will work out on the sea BEFORE having the lady join you, or even meet a lady who is already sailing....your progression makes NO sense at all, whatsoever.

best of luck on your search and destroy mission.

iffn i had to live on land i would prolly burn the place to the ground and swim away
Then their are those that love being on the boat because they think they need too and say they love this profess that they would move aboard sail the world take up scuba diving and then years later want you to by them a motorcycle have no interest in sailing never did they thought you would change buy them everything work your ass off so they could get a Maceys card and parade around in the newest fashion. Which by the way is the stump jump pump, which every cruising lady needs. They can ordered directly from Maceys or Tiffanies. Your not boating if you aren't wearing the stump jump pump.
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Old 13-08-2011, 16:26   #79
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

Zeehag:
All hopeful thinking along those lines went away once the divorce lawyers showed up.
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Old 13-08-2011, 16:36   #80
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

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When a woman says she'll follow you anywhere, does that include a boat?

I am dating a woman that expounds undying like for me and wants to spend the rest of her year with me. I don't want to lead her on so I have told her I will be moving on to a boat in the near future and that will be my home. I have invited her to come along. I don't think she believes me because she's still around.We both live on the west coast and I have no inclination of sailing here. I plan to be on the East Coast as soon as my house sells. Her extended family is here, mine isn't. I like her too, but, just as I would be unwilling to get her to come to the boat against her dreams, I will not change my dreams to fit her expectations. How do I find out if she is willing to come because it is what she wants to do and not just because it's what I want to do.

P.S. She was raised in Idaho and has no idea what living on a boat is like. She thinks of it as living in an RV.
It is a lot like living in an RV.

I think a lot depends on how you intend to do it. Will you be anchored or at a mooring, or will you have a slip? If you have a slip, it's a lot more like living in an RV than if you're moored or anchored. I think one of the big problem for couples is that if you have an argument, it's hard to walk away and be by yourself for a while. Some people think that's how Natalie Woods died -- trying to just get away for a bit after an argument.

A lot depends on how big the boat is, but any boat is likely to look small to a woman from Idaho.

I think she should make some extended visits before making up her mind, and ... I think this is a lot to ask of a woman who "likes" you. I live on a boat myself and would not move across the country for someone I liked a lot. It would take more than that.
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Old 13-08-2011, 16:39   #81
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

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Maybe its just me but if she's really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with then why are you asking us? And if she isn't then why do you care what happens?
you can care a lot about those "in between" relationships.
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Old 13-08-2011, 16:45   #82
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

Don,
It's time for the... "It's not you, it's me..." conversation.

When you're young and starry eyed it's a great time to have 'together' dreams and 'us' plans. Some folk are lucky/smart and get their partner right first up and evolve through life. Ideal but not common.

Old buggers like us have come through a few storms and are still afloat, maybe jury rigged for a while...
But a jury rig is temporary, not the ultimate, so don't lose sight of what rig would be best.

I've never been through the loss of a partner through death like you have. Must be hell.
But after a couple of marriages I spent a bit of time thinking I was lousy relationship material. The cruising dreams of my 20s were destined to remain just dreams because each time you feel you have to start all over again, building assets and security.

Now I've got the right partner, who I met while I already had a boat, so she knew the package.
She did 2 things I'm enormously grateful for...

1) got me realizing I wasn't lousy relationship material... just lousy at picking good relationship material
So I left the partner picking bit to her, and she picked herself... so if it ever goes sour, I can blame her
And

2) If not now, when? I'd got into the working rut and figured I just keep going with it, not realizing with a bit of juggling the cruising life was achievable.

She's naive enough to think I know what I'm doing... I'm dumb enough to think she's right

Somehow it works for us.

Stick with what you REALLY want, and the rest will work out somehow.

A helpful phrase I found along the way... "I wish I could be different for you, but I know I will eventually swing back, just like an old compass. This is only going to work if we're heading in the same direction..." etc

Good luck buddy. You already know the answer.
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Old 13-08-2011, 16:57   #83
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by zeehag View Post
i have noticed that you men look for the woman before looking for the boat. wtf, anyway. you then complain the woman you find doesnt appreciate the fact you are a sailor or wanna be a sailor, and then have a long bitch fest about not having a woman to join you on your dream journey even tho you dont even own a boat .

what is wrong with owning the boat first, seeing if you will work out on the sea BEFORE having the lady join you, or even meet a lady who is already sailing....your progression makes NO sense at all, whatsoever.

best of luck on your search and destroy mission.


iffn i had to live on land i would prolly burn the place to the ground and swim away
Whoa.... ZEE! Your in FINE form today. Search and destroy mission?

Gotta admit though, it does seem to make sense to own the boat first, and if she still luvs ya after dating for a month, mostly going sailing, she may be a keeper.
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Old 13-08-2011, 17:09   #84
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

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Well, we've talked about it and she wants me to pull the house from the market. I'm having breakfast with her tomorrow and will break the news then, the house is staying on the market. Just as she can not fathom (bit of a nautical term there) the idea of sailing, I can't do the opposite.
My first post asked the question.

Post #56 declared my answer.

I am cutting this off before we get overly involved. I have never lied to her about my plans and I don't intend to start now.

Zeehag: You're right, I should never have started a relationship that in my heart I knew would end this way.

VirtualVagabond: It is time for the "It's not you... It's me" conversation. As soon as I see her tomorrow morning I will say, "We've got to talk..."
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Old 13-08-2011, 17:11   #85
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

yup--search and destroy--ye search then destroy yer life.
compromise doesnt include ridding self of boat or dream or lifestyle.
woman worth her salt is gonna sail no matter where ye wanna go.
one not wanting ye to live your life's dream isnt worthy of that dream.
is called TEAMWORK.

IF SHE NEEDS GROUNDING SHOES FOR THE LIGHTNING STORMS, THEN IS TIME TO FIND A GOOD MERMAID.
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Old 13-08-2011, 17:20   #86
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

Don1500,
Sorry, I can't read 6 pages, so maybe someone else has already made this point.
They have these long metal tubes with horizontal sails which fly through the air. Get the boat of your dreams, take the woman with you. If she turns out to be a good companion, keep her. If not, tube her back to the west coast. And do it before the disagreements become hatred. Others will come along. If you are a decent guy, maybe you'll snag a good one.
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Old 13-08-2011, 17:22   #87
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

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Originally Posted by zeehag View Post
yup--search and destroy--ye search then destroy yer life.
compromise doesnt include ridding self of boat or dream or lifestyle.
woman wort5h her salt is gonna sail no matter where ye wanna go.
one not wanting ye to live your life's dream isnt worthy of that dream.
is called TEAMWORK.

IF SHE NEEDS GROUNDING SHOES FOR THE LIGHTNING STORMS, THEN IS TIME TO FIND A GOOD MERMAID.
Your SO poetic today

Most of use have a tendency to get involved with the opposite sex quicker then maybe we should (lord knows I have done so more then once). Maybe it's the little head doing the thinking for the big one, I don't know.

If we know what we want, we need to follow that path. As Don is finding out, if your dream is not her dream, it starts to get complicated real fast.

I hope I remember all this when I get to Tampa Bay area and buy the boat before I get too involved with some nice woman.
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Old 13-08-2011, 18:00   #88
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

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Don1500,
Sorry, I can't read 6 pages, so maybe someone else has already made this point.
They have these long metal tubes with horizontal sails which fly through the air. Get the boat of your dreams, take the woman with you. If she turns out to be a good companion, keep her. If not, tube her back to the west coast. And do it before the disagreements become hatred. Others will come along. If you are a decent guy, maybe you'll snag a good one.
This option has been proposed.
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Old 13-08-2011, 19:30   #89
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

Tell her it is the rule of the sea that men do the dishes. Think of it as a compromise
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Old 13-08-2011, 20:27   #90
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Re: How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

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That's how I got into this mess to begin with.

I was VERY up front about it, she knew it and now I find that she thought she could "Fix" me.

I believe now that if I want a water angel, I need to be on the water. I will not get involved again until then.

I have a male friend who has been through this over and over. Thing is, if you don't sail, and sail a lot and really be passionate about it, you won't get what the sailor is saying. And unfortunately my friend has met more than one woman who assumed that "sailboat equals wealth" and were going for the money, not the sailing.
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