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Old 24-08-2015, 10:22   #1
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Europe

For our American cousins here is a quick update on the political and economic situation in Europe:

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2015 EUROPE From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and Isis so have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance", The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide. "The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender. " The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing. " Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs. " They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate. " Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled. " So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
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Old 24-08-2015, 10:46   #2
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Re: Europe


I enjoyed the humor.

What follows is added in the spirit of good humor.

What would Cleese have put as the American response?

"The Americans have raised their threat levels from "They are all just jealous of America" to "They really just wish they lived in America". If things get worse, the Americans may escalate their level to "They are ALL out to get us" and then to "They have WMDs" and then to "Remember the Alamo (or Pearl Harbor or 9/11)!"
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Old 24-08-2015, 11:50   #3
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Re: Europe

That is pretty dang funny Pete. Thanks for sharing. Steady, I think "Shoot first and ask questions later" sums up our final (or all of) threat level.
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Old 25-08-2015, 03:22   #4
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Re: Europe

We have a secret weapon........ any migrant coming to the uk will soon get pissed of with the constant rain and shitty weather,then want to head back to the med,those that don't must be terrorists an dealt with accordingly..........
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Old 26-08-2015, 08:14   #5
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Re: Europe

There is a follow up to this:

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
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