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Old 01-07-2011, 13:51   #46
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Re: decommissioning fees--man vs woman.

It all comes down to trust........

In yourself and in whom you choose as a mate. All people have baggage. Some have huge trunks, some large suitcases, others have diminished it to carry on size.

When you have had failures it's so easy to blame the other person's actions. But what did you learn? I'm not saying horrible behavior is at all acceptable, I'm just asking aren't you part to blame for making a bad choice in the first place? When you were dating these people were there character flaws that you over looked? Red flags ignored? Incompatibility issues ignored? Did you continually forgive until the last straw? And/or figure that one day that person might come around and be the person you really wanted? So did you either passively and/or aggressively try to change them?

All of this negative whining and bitterness and taking stabs in general at the opposite sex lately, in more than one thread. Sometimes amusing, true, but also such an under current of despise and hostility. Stop playing the lowly victim card! Own your part in it and move on, forgive yourself and adjust your sails accordingly!

I am divorced. I raised three beautiful children. Do I think all men are the same? No! Would I marry again? Yes, because it's the ultimate commitment. It's having both feet on board and on the team. It's about setting and accomplishing common goals. It's not about shacking up and having an escape route in the event you made a poor decision based on lust and the lies you might tell yourself. If you're so concerned about your assets there are pre-nups to protect what ever wealth you've accrued on your own. A relationship to me means 100 % commitment on both sides.

If you are happy with the good for now, serial monogamy, "If I want to get out quick with as little hassle or responsibility to me" attitude then in my opinion you are selfish and really not to be taken seriously as a partner. Or too wounded from the past to be a participant. It means to me you are unsure of your own decision. If a person is unwilling to proclaim in front of others, or to their God, that they are willing to love, honor, respect, cherish, and declare faithfulness .......well they are unwilling then aren't they?

Wha! Wha, wha. Wha, wha! Make your decisions but take responsibility for them and stop all the bashing and pity parties! It's not conducive to a laid back cruising life style IMO and serves nothing but to perpetuate anger, resentment, negative, and dark side feedings.

Rant over Peace, love, & hugs
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Old 01-07-2011, 15:59   #47
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Re: decommissioning fees--man vs woman.

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Originally Posted by cantxsailor View Post
I've been trying to get my wife to divorce me for years but she just keeps me around for some reason known only to her. After 28 yrs you'd think she would have figured out I'm never going to be rich and won't get any better looking. I don't own anything other than my tools, an old pickup truck and a small old sailboat and she makes lots more money than me. Just another of the mysteries of women..........m
I need to show this to mine! LOL Tell here ... see I'm not the only one. We've been married 32 years. Second time for both so we must have learned something the first go round.

But this reminds me of the saying that women marry men for what they think they will become and are disappointed when they don't; whereas, men marry women for who they are and think they will never change and are disappointed when they do.
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Old 01-07-2011, 16:25   #48
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Re: decommissioning fees--man vs woman.

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Originally Posted by Doodles View Post
...
But this reminds me of the saying that women marry men for what they think they will become and are disappointed when they don't; whereas, men marry women for who they are and think they will never change and are disappointed when they do.
Ring! Ring! 1 - 0 to Doodles! Good round!!
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Old 01-07-2011, 16:42   #49
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Probably alot of truth to Doodles. But in the end you accept the person you are with or just leave. Just had our 40th anniversary.
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Old 01-07-2011, 17:50   #50
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Re: decommissioning fees--man vs woman.

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what amazes me is how many divorcees are floating on expensive boats out there. How did they retain the money?
They didn't. It's their lawyers' boats....

Lawyers aren't that smart, and they're lazy.
They have the routine track they run along, and if you throw in a few curve balls they get confused. "But this how we do it, and how the law sees it...." BS!
It helps to have some stuff in companies too. Divorce lawyers don't know much about companies and tax, and commercial lawyers don't know much about divorce law.

I had an ex that insisted in using an expensive, successful, man-hating female lawyer, and my lawyer was an idiot. I dumped mine, then dragged things out while I spent long nights in terror, digging through case and tax law to find out how I could at least hang on to a bit of it.
Eventually even the ex could see she was going to get very little and I was going to drag it out as long as possible, and we cut a deal.

Nasty business

But life is so much better 5 years on
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Old 01-07-2011, 17:53   #51
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Re: decommissioning fees--man vs woman.

even in Australia too!

No wohman is gonna make a Monkey butt out of me thats for sure!

I'm SaltyMonkey!
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Old 01-07-2011, 18:28   #52
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Re: decommissioning fees--man vs woman.

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even in Australia too!

No wohman is gonna make a Monkey butt out of me thats for sure!

I'm SaltyMonkey!
Yeah Salty. I think it's pretty much the same wherever the old British Empire ever had some influence at some time...

Silly thing is, she's the one who took off thinking she'd have it made. Silly girl. And she had a good life too. But that was the second one...

First wife turned out to be a control freak and a harridan, so it was leave before one of us got seriously injured.

But I'm an optomist by nature and just a romantic old fart... and strange as it may seem, I do learn as I go.

So, I now have a great partner, they are out there, and we're just getting started on a great new life.
All kids are grown up and independent.
I've sold the house and as soon as we get rid of the business we're coming over to your side of the pond to buy a big, heavy, comfortable liveaboard boat.
We'll make our way back accross the South Pacific to Aus... and wherever from here for as long as we're having fun.
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Old 02-07-2011, 02:30   #53
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Re: decommissioning fees--man vs woman.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gadagirl View Post
It all comes down to trust........

In yourself and in whom you choose as a mate. All people have baggage. Some have huge trunks, some large suitcases, others have diminished it to carry on size.

When you have had failures it's so easy to blame the other person's actions. But what did you learn? I'm not saying horrible behavior is at all acceptable, I'm just asking aren't you part to blame for making a bad choice in the first place? When you were dating these people were there character flaws that you over looked? Red flags ignored? Incompatibility issues ignored? Did you continually forgive until the last straw? And/or figure that one day that person might come around and be the person you really wanted? So did you either passively and/or aggressively try to change them?

All of this negative whining and bitterness and taking stabs in general at the opposite sex lately, in more than one thread. Sometimes amusing, true, but also such an under current of despise and hostility. Stop playing the lowly victim card! Own your part in it and move on, forgive yourself and adjust your sails accordingly!

I am divorced. I raised three beautiful children. Do I think all men are the same? No! Would I marry again? Yes, because it's the ultimate commitment. It's having both feet on board and on the team. It's about setting and accomplishing common goals. It's not about shacking up and having an escape route in the event you made a poor decision based on lust and the lies you might tell yourself. If you're so concerned about your assets there are pre-nups to protect what ever wealth you've accrued on your own. A relationship to me means 100 % commitment on both sides.

If you are happy with the good for now, serial monogamy, "If I want to get out quick with as little hassle or responsibility to me" attitude then in my opinion you are selfish and really not to be taken seriously as a partner. Or too wounded from the past to be a participant. It means to me you are unsure of your own decision. If a person is unwilling to proclaim in front of others, or to their God, that they are willing to love, honor, respect, cherish, and declare faithfulness .......well they are unwilling then aren't they?

Wha! Wha, wha. Wha, wha! Make your decisions but take responsibility for them and stop all the bashing and pity parties! It's not conducive to a laid back cruising life style IMO and serves nothing but to perpetuate anger, resentment, negative, and dark side feedings.

Rant over Peace, love, & hugs
I have to agree and disagree I too have had a disaster marriage of twenty years or so ,and,am the proud mother of three very well adjusted grown up children I hope, so far so good...lol
Would I get married again NO....been there done that and he has way too many Ex.s anyway.
But we have a great relationship and we get on great so why rock the boat for a piece of paper.
We both have no intentions of looking elsewhere and are happy.
Do you really need to be married for that?
I guess I am scarred and really just don't want to risk something that is so good anyway.
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