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Old 09-06-2015, 07:45   #31
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Re: Dont go in the water!

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Originally Posted by Ozwizz54 View Post
You guys are crazy - weird and amusing, perhaps - but definitely crazy.
The levity is nice! No facts no stone throwing.
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Old 09-06-2015, 07:51   #32
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Re: Dont go in the water!

Statistically cows may be the cause of more injuries than sharks, but then most people don't try to milk sharks. If they did the statistics would likely change considerably.
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Old 09-06-2015, 09:09   #33
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Re: Dont go in the water!

People don't try to hang on to a shark with one hand and ride him for 8 seconds, either.

I think this entire thread is full of bull, but it behooves me to follow the herd on this one.
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Old 09-06-2015, 12:29   #34
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Re: Dont go in the water!

I would rather be on the sharks back than in its mouth. It would make for a nice profile pic too;-) I think I would hold on with both hands!
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Old 10-06-2015, 00:01   #35
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Re: Dont go in the water!

Does Noonsite have any info on which countries prohibit or restrict possession of cattle prods on board? It would seem to defeat the purpose of trying to carry anti-cow protection on board if you had to surrender your prod or keep it in a sealed locker. Or if you had to try to bribe local officials to be able to keep your prod in the open. Maybe the French islands are more understanding? Also, does anyone know if there might be marinized cattle prods with stainless steel cases, double insulated handles, etc.?
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Old 10-06-2015, 00:20   #36
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Re: Dont go in the water!

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These guys are taking their lives in their hands !


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Old 10-06-2015, 00:55   #37
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Re: Dont go in the water!

No joking I have encountered some scary cows
Heifers off the range with their first calf have to be approached carefully and cornered can turn on you pretty quickly. I even know a woman who had her leg broken by a ewe..and I once saw a mare take a large chunk of muscle out of a woman's upper arm and I won't go into the kicks I've seen except when I was in veterinary school one of my class mates got kicked in the testicle by a cow. It became so swollen the docs thought he might loose it but lucky for him he did recover. Never had any children though...hmmmm


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Old 10-06-2015, 01:07   #38
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Re: Dont go in the water!

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Funny one, Tellie. How's it going old buddy?

Ralph

Hi Ralph,

Sorry I missed this posting of yours before. I'm doing great. Hows the cruising been going? You must be an old salt by now. Business is going great and we're opening an even bigger shop here in Fort Lauderdale behind the infamous Lesters diner. Give me a shout sometime and we'll catch up. I'm interested if you have any details on the great north Florida, stealth van, Catamaran build. Haven't heard anything about him in a while. Talk to you soon ol buddy.

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Old 10-06-2015, 04:25   #39
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Re: Dont go in the water!

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Hi Ralph,
... I'm interested if you have any details on the great north Florida, stealth van, Catamaran build. Haven't heard anything about him in a while. Talk to you soon ol buddy.

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I am also curious, and a little concerned.
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Old 10-06-2015, 06:38   #40
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Re: Dont go in the water!

Bovines of the Caribbean. Beware!
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Old 11-06-2015, 19:27   #41
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Re: Dont go in the water!

Funny, after joking around on this thread, a guy I work with came in all sore and beat up. He was helping his brother check calves and got charged by the mother. Nobody at work was complaining about shark bites though. Guess that tells you something about dangers in Alberta! ;-)
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Old 12-06-2015, 10:10   #42
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Re: Dont go in the water!

Yes, This thread has been fun.... but when I was young I milked cows during the summer where I worked on a farm. There were a few less than docile ones and avoiding getting kicked was a constant vigil. me and my buddy got pasted good a few times... Now Bulls..... those F'in things are scary! You go in the pasture anywhere in their fenced area and you better be ready to run fast!
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Old 12-06-2015, 18:19   #43
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Re: Dont go in the water!

Miking cows? Ha!!! Child's play!!

Tom From Canbelego by Blue The Shearer (aka Col Wilson)

He was standing in the bar, his eys fixed on some far
and half remembered episode of lifes unending serial
I write a poem of two under the pseudonym of Blue
the Shearer and I though this bloke might have some good material

So I said "How do you do, my mates all call me Blue"
He responded in a kind of country drawl and rather slow
"Out where I come from, my mates all call me Tom,
Tom, that's what they call me, Tom from Canbelego".

I bought us both a beer, Tom spoke of his career
and he told me how some years ago he needed to retired
So I asked him what he'd done. He answered proudly "Son,
I was a bovine scrotum tester and I sought the perfect sire.

"A bovine scrotum tester!", at first I thought he was a jester,
but I was soon convinced as I listened to his speil.
"I worked for forty years" he said " but not with steers".
He was one of lifes true rarities, an expert in his field.

He was an expert on the scrotum and verbatim I will quote him
"A bovine scrotum tester's got an awful lot to learn.
You have to check for lesions on Anguses and Freisians
and if Herefords have white balls, they're the ones you have to spurn.

And you must be very careful when you're working round down there
for the bull is very sensitive to handling defects.
You can have an awful problem if you're careless and you wobble'm
for the bull will get excited and he'll think of cows and sex.

And it can get rather risky with a bull who's feeling frisky,
a large and rampant bull with reproduction on his mind.
You don't poke him with a stick , you bail out bloody quick
and you never give the bastard half a chance to get behind"

I bought us both a drink, Tom said "I often think
about my scrotum testing days, Blue, I was an ace.
The sires that I selected were extremely well respected,
but that was long ago - another time, another place

Ah, the memories that I've treasured of those bulls balls that I've measured.
The days that were, were written on his weather beaten dial.
He'd gone right back in time even as I penned this rhyme,
You could see it in his eyes and in his slow nostalgic smile.

"In my mind I journey back", he said " to that scrotum tester's shack,
and I think about the many balls I measured years ago.
I can see the stool I sat on, where so often I was shat on,
for a tester's life holds perils that non-testers never know.

He half choked back a sob and said" Gawd, I loved that job,
the heat, the flies, the cattle smell, the challenge and the rest.
He finished off his beer, said "Well, it's time I wasn't here".
I shook his hand, his last remark was "Big balls are the best"

My interest lingered on long after Tom had gone,
and I wondered why he'd chosen scrotum testing for his show.
Why not artificial insemination or some like occupation,
but I doubt he'd suit the orifice, Tom from Canbelego
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