Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 20-01-2019, 07:09   #1
Registered User
 
The Black Pig's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 3
Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

My wife and I are cruising on a old 32 ft. We're very content with our life, and I get the impression that it shows to friends landlubbers. The reality is that cruising is not that "epic" or "amazing!!!" as they think it is!
Yes we do have some unforgetable moments, colorful sunset, anchorages just for ouselves, memorable fishing, meet good people...
But those are the highlights of cruising. We often have to shelter from the weather sometimes staying in the boat for days, playing cards or fixing things and we're happy to spend this time together my wife and I.
We rarely go to the bar in fact the only money we spend is on stocking up food and on parts for the boat.
Some of our friends are happy to spend in a day what we spend in weeks or a month... But to them we're living the life!
In 5 years sailing we took 2 people for a week and by the end of it we were glad to see them going.
We also took few friends for a day sail or at anchor. After a couple of hours it become akward having to untertain them.
Every few month we get request for friends especially not so close friends wanting to "visit" us. What they really want is having a day on the boat. Whoever owns it.
How would you go about turning them down politely? Why do friends feel so entitled to go sailing with us because we have a boat???
__________________

The Black Pig is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 07:26   #2
Registered User
 
danielamartindm's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: St. Petersburg, Florida
Boat: Leopard 39
Posts: 849
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Black Pig View Post
My wife and I are cruising on a old 32 ft. We're very content with our life, and I get the impression that it shows to friends landlubbers. The reality is that cruising is not that "epic" or "amazing!!!" as they think it is!
Yes we do have some unforgetable moments, colorful sunset, anchorages just for ouselves, memorable fishing, meet good people...
But those are the highlights of cruising. We often have to shelter from the weather sometimes staying in the boat for days, playing cards or fixing things and we're happy to spend this time together my wife and I.
We rarely go to the bar in fact the only money we spend is on stocking up food and on parts for the boat.
Some of our friends are happy to spend in a day what we spend in weeks or a month... But to them we're living the life!
In 5 years sailing we took 2 people for a week and by the end of it we were glad to see them going.
We also took few friends for a day sail or at anchor. After a couple of hours it become akward having to untertain them.
Every few month we get request for friends especially not so close friends wanting to "visit" us. What they really want is having a day on the boat. Whoever owns it.
How would you go about turning them down politely? Why do friends feel so entitled to go sailing with us because we have a boat???
Don't try to understand it, just tell them you're having problems with the head. Benjamin Franklin once observed that "After two days, fish and house guests start to stink."
__________________

danielamartindm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 07:30   #3
Junior Cruiser
 
SailngInTX's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 11
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Black Pig View Post
How would you go about turning them down politely?
When you are some place where your guests could not go ashore and entertain themselves for part of the visit, you could let them know that where you are presently, you are not prepared/able to have guests.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Black Pig View Post
Why do friends feel so entitled to go sailing with us because we have a boat???
I can't speak for anyone but myself, it would be difficult for me to request an invitation. However, the life you are living is a dream of mine and the risk of offending is outweighed by the reward of a few days of real experience doing what I hope to do in the future. I say "risk of offending" because there's that little bit of hope from the requester saying "maybe they would like visitors".

Cheers.
SailngInTX is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 08:03   #4
Registered User
 
AKA-None's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Lake City MN
Boat: C&C 27 Mk III
Posts: 456
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Party for 6, dinner for 4, sleeps 2.
__________________
Special knowledge can be a terrible disadvantage if it leads you too far along a path that you cannot explain anymore.
Frank Herbert 'Dune'
AKA-None is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 08:50   #5
Registered User
 
CaptTom's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Southern Maine
Boat: Prairie 36 Coastal Cruiser
Posts: 1,440
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Give them what they really want: a 2-hour boat ride. Most lubbers won't care where you go, or whether you sail or motor. They just want to "be on a boat."

We have close friends with whom we can spend a day at anchor, or an overnight, or even a week or two. But they are very carefully chosen. They know the drill and they're more help than hindrance to have around. Most people will get bored pretty quickly if you don't "entertain" them. So don't put them in that position.
CaptTom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 08:52   #6
Registered User
 
The Black Pig's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 3
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SailngInTX View Post
When you are some place where your guests could not go ashore and entertain themselves for part of the visit, you could let them know that where you are presently, you are not prepared/able to have guests.


I can't speak for anyone but myself, it would be difficult for me to request an invitation. However, the life you are living is a dream of mine and the risk of offending is outweighed by the reward of a few days of real experience doing what I hope to do in the future. I say "risk of offending" because there's that little bit of hope from the requester saying "maybe they would like visitors".

Cheers.
I wouldnt feel offended to have someone say:
"Its a dream of mine to go cruising, whenever you need crew I'll come over"
In which case I reply that we dont currently need anybody but we'll keep it in mind. Its easier for both sides but most of the time we get messages like:
"Oh you are there! Im not that far I'll pop by tomorow maybe we can go sailing"...
The Black Pig is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 09:08   #7
Registered User
 
The Black Pig's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 3
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptTom View Post
Give them what they really want: a 2-hour boat ride. Most lubbers won't care where you go, or whether you sail or motor. They just want to "be on a boat."

We have close friends with whom we can spend a day at anchor, or an overnight, or even a week or two. But they are very carefully chosen. They know the drill and they're more help than hindrance to have around. Most people will get bored pretty quickly if you don't "entertain" them. So don't put them in that position.
Like you say I don't have problem with people that knows the drill.
When we were 3 for a week the watertanks went dry. 50 Gallons in a week. It usually last us 3-4weeks for 2.
I dont wanna be this guy that always say turn the tap off- watch your head- don't step on the hatches-lock the dinghy and so on...
It stresses us out and we don't need that in our lives.
The Black Pig is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 09:21   #8
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Southern Calif.
Posts: 489
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

I went day sailing/ whale watching with 3 friends yesterday, only problem was deciding which boat to take, my 32 or their 36, 38, and 43. You need a better class of friends.
Calif.Ted is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 09:24   #9
Registered User
 
Exile's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Land of Disenchantment
Boat: Bristol 47.7
Posts: 3,237
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Black Pig View Post
Like you say I don't have problem with people that knows the drill.
When we were 3 for a week the watertanks went dry. 50 Gallons in a week. It usually last us 3-4weeks for 2.
I dont wanna be this guy that always say turn the tap off- watch your head- don't step on the hatches-lock the dinghy and so on...
It stresses us out and we don't need that in our lives.
You bring up a good point. I've found that, whether friends or family, there are relatively few who I've had onboard that I'm comfortable inviting back. And I find it has little to do with their sailing experience. More a question of attitude I suppose. Whether at the dock or out at sea, you need to have personalities that are pretty self-contained and not reliant on you or anyone else for their entertainment.
Exile is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 09:37   #10
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Southern MD, Chesapeake Bay
Posts: 214
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

They are obviously just freeloaders, craftily trying to scam you into an afternoon spent in your slice of heaven.

Just be yourself, and tell them that you are onto their plan. The situation will sort itself out.
Hardhead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 09:39   #11
Registered User
 
yalnud's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 26
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Sounds to me like you and your wife are just a couple of uptight dinks... I'm surprised you have any freinds at all. Keep up this lifestyle you just and dont qorry they will stop asking all on their own..
yalnud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 09:42   #12
Registered User

Join Date: May 2018
Location: Sarasota
Boat: Compac23
Posts: 7
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Stock answer...

“Would love to spend a couple of hours on the water with you. Let us know where you will be staying and we can meet up...weather permitting.”
Favoured Tack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 09:44   #13
Registered User
 
S/V Alchemy's Avatar

Join Date: May 2008
Location: Toronto
Boat: Custom 41' Steel Pilothouse Cutter
Posts: 4,898
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

I only have crew. No passengers. That seems the most logical filter because you only get people who can work the boat and don't expect cocktail glasses to manifest in a seaway and don't throw wads of paper down the head.
__________________
Can't sleep? Read www.alchemy2009.blogspot.com for fast relief. Can't read? Avoid www.volumesofsalt.blogspot.com, because it's just personal reviews of sea books.
S/V Alchemy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 09:54   #14
Registered User

Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Vancouver B.C.Canada
Posts: 33
Send a message via MSN to BugzyCan
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Can't you just tell them honestly that you do not like to entertain people on your boat, but that you would love to meet someplace else if they are buying. That should take care of it.


Another option would be to hit them with a bill. Oh yes, we do day sailing excursions for friends, the cost is $300 per person, to cover expenses, we don't make a lot of money here on the boat. See if that dissuades them.
BugzyCan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-01-2019, 09:55   #15
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 34
Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

A friend of my (new) parents-in-law advised that he would love to come for a sail sometime.Early fall I was waiting for a good blow to test the boat since I had gotten myself a storm jib.So this particular Saturday there was an advisory for 11 B from the NW.I headed to Hellevoetsluis where the boat was and he lived.I knocked on his door and told I was going for a sail; would he like to take the opportunity to come along. Okay; so not this time.
Jib and boat handled remarkably.Took 1 1/2 hour to tack up to the dam and 10 minutes to make it back.Never seen such a seasick dog who did come along for the ride.
__________________

techmans is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
boat

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Cyprus Volvo - why do I feel I am being ripped off ? krissteyn Europe & Mediterranean 7 26-05-2014 08:12
Feel of safety, feel of comfort DoubleWhisky Families, Kids and Pets Afloat 98 20-01-2014 14:58
Why Won't Some of You Lurkers Come into the Light ? cabo_sailor Our Community 108 06-06-2011 14:40
Clearing Customs in Bahamas - Can Friends Come Aboard ? nknowland Rules of the Road, Regulations & Red Tape 2 20-02-2011 13:15



Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 00:21.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.