Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

[The Black Pig]

My wife and I are cruising on a old 32 ft. We're very content with our life, and I get the impression that it shows to friends landlubbers. The reality is that cruising is not that "epic" or "amazing!!!" as they think it is!
Yes we do have some unforgetable moments, colorful sunset, anchorages just for ouselves, memorable fishing, meet good people...
But those are the highlights of cruising. We often have to shelter from the weather sometimes staying in the boat for days, playing cards or fixing things and we're happy to spend this time together my wife and I.
We rarely go to the bar in fact the only money we spend is on stocking up food and on parts for the boat.
Some of our friends are happy to spend in a day what we spend in weeks or a month... But to them we're living the life!
In 5 years sailing we took 2 people for a week and by the end of it we were glad to see them going.
We also took few friends for a day sail or at anchor. After a couple of hours it become akward having to untertain them.
Every few month we get request for friends especially not so close friends wanting to "visit" us. What they really want is having a day on the boat. Whoever owns it.
How would you go about turning them down politely? Why do friends feel so entitled to go sailing with us because we have a boat???

[danielamartindm]

Originally Posted by The Black Pig

My wife and I are cruising on a old 32 ft. We're very content with our life, and I get the impression that it shows to friends landlubbers. The reality is that cruising is not that "epic" or "amazing!!!" as they think it is!
Yes we do have some unforgetable moments, colorful sunset, anchorages just for ouselves, memorable fishing, meet good people...
But those are the highlights of cruising. We often have to shelter from the weather sometimes staying in the boat for days, playing cards or fixing things and we're happy to spend this time together my wife and I.
We rarely go to the bar in fact the only money we spend is on stocking up food and on parts for the boat.
Some of our friends are happy to spend in a day what we spend in weeks or a month... But to them we're living the life!
In 5 years sailing we took 2 people for a week and by the end of it we were glad to see them going.
We also took few friends for a day sail or at anchor. After a couple of hours it become akward having to untertain them.
Every few month we get request for friends especially not so close friends wanting to "visit" us. What they really want is having a day on the boat. Whoever owns it.
How would you go about turning them down politely? Why do friends feel so entitled to go sailing with us because we have a boat???

Don't try to understand it, just tell them you're having problems with the head. Benjamin Franklin once observed that "After two days, fish and house guests start to stink."

[SailngInTX]

Originally Posted by The Black Pig

How would you go about turning them down politely?

When you are some place where your guests could not go ashore and entertain themselves for part of the visit, you could let them know that where you are presently, you are not prepared/able to have guests.

Originally Posted by The Black Pig

Why do friends feel so entitled to go sailing with us because we have a boat???

I can't speak for anyone but myself, it would be difficult for me to request an invitation. However, the life you are living is a dream of mine and the risk of offending is outweighed by the reward of a few days of real experience doing what I hope to do in the future. I say "risk of offending" because there's that little bit of hope from the requester saying "maybe they would like visitors".

Cheers.

[AKA-None]

Party for 6, dinner for 4, sleeps 2.

[CaptTom]

Give them what they really want: a 2-hour boat ride. Most lubbers won't care where you go, or whether you sail or motor. They just want to "be on a boat."

We have close friends with whom we can spend a day at anchor, or an overnight, or even a week or two. But they are very carefully chosen. They know the drill and they're more help than hindrance to have around. Most people will get bored pretty quickly if you don't "entertain" them. So don't put them in that position.

[The Black Pig]

Originally Posted by SailngInTX

When you are some place where your guests could not go ashore and entertain themselves for part of the visit, you could let them know that where you are presently, you are not prepared/able to have guests.


I can't speak for anyone but myself, it would be difficult for me to request an invitation. However, the life you are living is a dream of mine and the risk of offending is outweighed by the reward of a few days of real experience doing what I hope to do in the future. I say "risk of offending" because there's that little bit of hope from the requester saying "maybe they would like visitors".

Cheers.

I wouldnt feel offended to have someone say:
"Its a dream of mine to go cruising, whenever you need crew I'll come over"
In which case I reply that we dont currently need anybody but we'll keep it in mind. Its easier for both sides but most of the time we get messages like:
"Oh you are there! Im not that far I'll pop by tomorow maybe we can go sailing"...

[The Black Pig]

Originally Posted by CaptTom

Give them what they really want: a 2-hour boat ride. Most lubbers won't care where you go, or whether you sail or motor. They just want to "be on a boat."

We have close friends with whom we can spend a day at anchor, or an overnight, or even a week or two. But they are very carefully chosen. They know the drill and they're more help than hindrance to have around. Most people will get bored pretty quickly if you don't "entertain" them. So don't put them in that position.

Like you say I don't have problem with people that knows the drill.
When we were 3 for a week the watertanks went dry. 50 Gallons in a week. It usually last us 3-4weeks for 2.
I dont wanna be this guy that always say turn the tap off- watch your head- don't step on the hatches-lock the dinghy and so on...
It stresses us out and we don't need that in our lives.

[Calif.Ted]

I went day sailing/ whale watching with 3 friends yesterday, only problem was deciding which boat to take, my 32 or their 36, 38, and 43. You need a better class of friends.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by The Black Pig

Like you say I don't have problem with people that knows the drill.
When we were 3 for a week the watertanks went dry. 50 Gallons in a week. It usually last us 3-4weeks for 2.
I dont wanna be this guy that always say turn the tap off- watch your head- don't step on the hatches-lock the dinghy and so on...
It stresses us out and we don't need that in our lives.

You bring up a good point. I've found that, whether friends or family, there are relatively few who I've had onboard that I'm comfortable inviting back. And I find it has little to do with their sailing experience. More a question of attitude I suppose. Whether at the dock or out at sea, you need to have personalities that are pretty self-contained and not reliant on you or anyone else for their entertainment.

[Hardhead]

They are obviously just freeloaders, craftily trying to scam you into an afternoon spent in your slice of heaven.

Just be yourself, and tell them that you are onto their plan. The situation will sort itself out.

[yalnud]

Sounds to me like you and your wife are just a couple of uptight dinks... I'm surprised you have any freinds at all. Keep up this lifestyle you just and dont qorry they will stop asking all on their own..

[Favoured Tack]

Stock answer...

“Would love to spend a couple of hours on the water with you. Let us know where you will be staying and we can meet up...weather permitting.”

[S/V Alchemy]

I only have crew. No passengers. That seems the most logical filter because you only get people who can work the boat and don't expect cocktail glasses to manifest in a seaway and don't throw wads of paper down the head.

[BugzyCan]

Can't you just tell them honestly that you do not like to entertain people on your boat, but that you would love to meet someplace else if they are buying. That should take care of it.


Another option would be to hit them with a bill. Oh yes, we do day sailing excursions for friends, the cost is $300 per person, to cover expenses, we don't make a lot of money here on the boat. See if that dissuades them.

[techmans]

A friend of my (new) parents-in-law advised that he would love to come for a sail sometime.Early fall I was waiting for a good blow to test the boat since I had gotten myself a storm jib.So this particular Saturday there was an advisory for 11 B from the NW.I headed to Hellevoetsluis where the boat was and he lived.I knocked on his door and told I was going for a sail; would he like to take the opportunity to come along. Okay; so not this time.
Jib and boat handled remarkably.Took 1 1/2 hour to tack up to the dam and 10 minutes to make it back.Never seen such a seasick dog who did come along for the ride.