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Old 21-01-2019, 08:52   #61
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Shrew,


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Old 21-01-2019, 09:48   #62
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

I tell them the boat is small on the inside, and me and GF sail nekkid and there isn't much room to pass by one another. That gets most of them uninterested, one way or the other.


Seasickness is often the best cure for wannagosailors. Doesn't work so good in New Orleans though... a long way to the open Gulf and sometimes it still isnt rough enough to turn tummies. But if your boat is a very short sail to open ocean waters, a few hours spent praying into a bucket will often have them begging you to take them back to terror firmy. A few strategically placed cans with a diesel soaked rag inside will sometimes accelerate the seasickening process. Ah, the fragrance of diesel... it tells me I am HOME!!! Going to sea is all about diesel and waves and lousy food and too much alcohol. (of course they need a few drinks before leaving the marina or mooring) Don't worry, a few weeks of this and your stomach stops revolting and not even the smell of someone else's vomit will make you queasy. Yup. if they still want to go sailing again, they are chosen. Help them find a boat to buy.
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Old 21-01-2019, 10:02   #63
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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Originally Posted by Favoured Tack View Post
Stock answer...

“Would love to spend a couple of hours on the water with you. Let us know where you will be staying and we can meet up...weather permitting.”
I like that. Clear expectations from the start.

We have a vessel that is capable of sleeping several. But there is no way I want to clear out a stateroom for someone unless it is a friend doing her/his share on a passage.
When friends visit us at a port, we try to have a hotel room or condo ashore and we seldom use the boat during a visit. (Are they visiting us? Or are they asking for a cruise adventure vacation?)
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Old 21-01-2019, 10:39   #64
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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My wife and I are cruising on a old 32 ft. We're very content with our life, and I get the impression that it shows to friends landlubbers. The reality is that cruising is not that "epic" or "amazing!!!" as they think it is!
Yes we do have some unforgetable moments, colorful sunset, anchorages just for ouselves, memorable fishing, meet good people...
But those are the highlights of cruising. We often have to shelter from the weather sometimes staying in the boat for days, playing cards or fixing things and we're happy to spend this time together my wife and I.
We rarely go to the bar in fact the only money we spend is on stocking up food and on parts for the boat.
Some of our friends are happy to spend in a day what we spend in weeks or a month... But to them we're living the life!
In 5 years sailing we took 2 people for a week and by the end of it we were glad to see them going.
We also took few friends for a day sail or at anchor. After a couple of hours it become akward having to untertain them.
Every few month we get request for friends especially not so close friends wanting to "visit" us. What they really want is having a day on the boat. Whoever owns it.
How would you go about turning them down politely? Why do friends feel so entitled to go sailing with us because we have a boat???
We have the same situation living in a "vacation" paradise island where friends come a long way to stay with you. Living on fixed income you take them to the grocery store and stand in line with them looking at them to pull out their wallet and pay at least for their part but what about the water, sewer, property taxes etc. They come out of nowhere. When people inquire I tell them...."bring your own toilet paper". That sometimes makes them think.
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Old 21-01-2019, 11:31   #65
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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...Bill, the link you just shared is priceless! Thank you!

Thank you for your kind remarks, CptCrunchie. We're glad to hear it is useful for you.

While it is a serious document for us, we also have fun with it— injecting [what is hopefully received as] humor to help prevent it from being too dry a read...

When we debrief guests after their time with us, we learn that most appreciated the heads-up our guest page provides.

Cheers! Bill
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Old 21-01-2019, 14:17   #66
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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Thank you for your kind remarks, CptCrunchie. We're glad to hear it is useful for you.

While it is a serious document for us, we also have fun with it— injecting [what is hopefully received as] humor to help prevent it from being too dry a read...

When we debrief guests after their time with us, we learn that most appreciated the heads-up our guest page provides.

Cheers! Bill
Unlike Shrew's comment about landlubbers - which I completely agree with and thoroughly enjoyed - I equate newbies on a boat like raising children; you need to tell them what is expected BEFORE you start yelling at them. Patience has something to do with that, of which mine is on the short side of, "Seriously?" I think most people want to do the right thing, they just don't know what that is. Your missive will work nicely.

Now, most of the comments on this thread are about daysails and weekenders. What do you do when a very good friend of Wifey's really wants to come on a delivery, has told everyone you know how excited they are, and all you can think about is how far you can heft them overboard when they show that 'landlubber cruise ship' mentality ...which you just know is gonna happen?

Something about sailing is like being in jail.....?
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Old 21-01-2019, 14:34   #67
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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Originally Posted by wrwakefield View Post
Thank you for your kind remarks, CptCrunchie. We're glad to hear it is useful for you.

While it is a serious document for us, we also have fun with it— injecting [what is hopefully received as] humor to help prevent it from being too dry a read...

When we debrief guests after their time with us, we learn that most appreciated the heads-up our guest page provides.

Cheers! Bill
And yet, we still have to be firm,(kindness), that family of six, with four teen girls, we had to go through their HUGE luggage, and leave over half behind in their truck. I've considered getting duffles, put our logo on the outside, a laminated packing list on the inside, and ship it to oncoming guests. "Put these things inside, fill with desired stuff, if any room leftover. You may also have a small daypack." If they bring anything else, it's a no-go.
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Old 21-01-2019, 14:52   #68
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

I also understand that Denali Rose has complex systems, with multiple explanations, and directions. It can be daunting to a landlubber, who wants to help, but is apprehensive of mucking it up. I'm formulating cheat sheets to help noobies feel included in prep, underway, and tie up/anchoring. We want everyone to have a good time, while not allowing Bill, and I to feel like we are manning a luxury cruiseship. So far, (pretty much), we enjoyed the company we have had.
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Old 22-01-2019, 01:21   #69
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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CapnBazza and Vahalla360 you have to be careful what message you send with those replys. Tina and I once spent an uncomfortable afternoon sailing on a yacht with a couple of swingers.....We were only 22 at the time and probably missed the signs but it made for interesting sail with the skipper and his wife hitting on us.

Cheers
I didn't suggests surprising her pant-less.

If she's a 22yr old hottie (not a relative) and she comes anyway...that's her problem now...she was duly warned.
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Old 22-01-2019, 02:23   #70
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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CapnBazza and Vahalla360 you have to be careful what message you send with those replys. Tina and I once spent an uncomfortable afternoon sailing on a yacht with a couple of swingers.....We were only 22 at the time and probably missed the signs but it made for interesting sail with the skipper and his wife hitting on us.

Cheers
You must not mistake nudists with swingers, they are not necessarily the same. Apart from a good wine there is little that beats the feeling of balmy breezes on bare skin. I strongly suspect that your “swinger” experience when you were 22, scary as it may have been at the time, still gives you a giggle.
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Old 22-01-2019, 08:37   #71
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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I'm formulating cheat sheets to help noobies feel included in prep, underway, and tie up/anchoring.
Would you be willing to share those too?
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Old 28-01-2019, 06:38   #72
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Perhaps there's something wrong with us; we love to have friends aboard, to see their faces when they get a first-time chance to stand at the helm, and serve them a Goombay Punch at anchor. I guess for some, the boat is a way to escape the rougher edges of society; for others, it's a way to bring people closer.

Fair winds,
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Old 28-01-2019, 06:41   #73
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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Originally Posted by dkroar View Post
I've considered getting duffles, put our logo on the outside, a laminated packing list on the inside, and ship it to oncoming guests. "Put these things inside, fill with desired stuff, if any room leftover. You may also have a small daypack." If they bring anything else, it's a no-go.
What a brilliant idea! I'm stealing this but will honor you with a credit.

Fair winds,
Leo
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Old 28-01-2019, 08:06   #74
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

No friends no problem..
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Old 28-01-2019, 08:32   #75
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

We must be friendly enough in general since we have plenty of friends. Most of them are boaters and we would always enjoy having them on board for a meal or going out or whatever. We never had extra sleeping quarters but made do a couple of times with especially good friends.


However, you don't get to choose your relatives and there are people we are good friends with. The common thread with most all of these is that they don't have a boat and/or have never been sailing. People with fishing or other power boats don't have a clue what it feels like to heel over. We have had severe freak outs literally a few hundred yards from the marina when the boat starts to heel even a little bit. The Admiral's sister just about had a heart attack and was screaming her head off and we had a similar experience with her good friend.



And we have had several head clogging and excessive water using encounters. Some would think that heads are simple things with easy rules but a lot of people will nod their heads (no pun intended) and then proceed to stuff the bowl with toilet paper or pump without opening the water intake and splitting the pump or whatever. Or leave the water running while brushing their teeth or washing dishes or whatever. These are highly disruptive events. Often leading to very hard feelings.



Reluctantly, we no longer will take non-sailors on trips with the exception of some power boaters we think will tolerate a boat healing over. We never allow any kind of newbie helm the boat unless it is for a short distance in a straight line.



We don't consider ourselves unfriendly in not accomodating all requests for even day sails unless we plan to motor or somehow they can assure us that they will be okay on an actual sailboat that doesn't stay upright and can still be safe.


Those that will take all comers must have either extraordinary abilities to train people coming on board or have been very lucky or don't mind fixing things that get broken or used up.


We are even paranoid about having non-boater friends on board for cockpit or cabin parties if the head will have to be used. We have had people offended when we make a big deal about how to properly use a head. It has just not been worth the brain-damage and hard feelings. In port we have asked guests to visit the marina head a few times. We do that ourselves (of course) since we have never had a huge holding tank.



I am not homicidal normally but plugged up toilets with several people on board and not close to land is not my idea of a fun day and has made me want to make a few walk the plank into the deep briny.


If any of you think we have been unfriendly or are curmudgeons you are welcome to stay on your own boat with your own inexperienced friends.
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