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Old 20-01-2019, 13:36   #46
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

I would love to have the "friend" requests you all get, and I suspect they are really acquaintances, not friends, but even still I envy you. At an older age, most have settled into the lifestyle they became accustomed to; so if no boating then why would they want to go on your boat type of thinking.

I have recently moved so I don't have many friends and acquaintances here so in building a crew, I'm starting with newbies in their early 70's or late 60's, teaching them life on the water. I'm here to tell you there aren't a lot of 60 and 70 year old's stampeding to get on the boat.
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Old 20-01-2019, 13:48   #47
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Thumbs up Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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Originally Posted by wrwakefield View Post
We always insist guests read [and absorb...] our published information for guests before they begin planning...

This works out well for us and our guests since they always arrive prepared and with realistic expectations. They are (literally) invested in the experience...
Thank you for this, Bill. Well stated! I'd only add one piece about what we typically eat (a keto-lifestyle), and if they have designs on anything different, that they bring it.

This thread brings up a lot of angst for me. Having had a motorsailer, then two fishing boats, and now about to buy a sailboat we can live on, indeed, people come out of the woodwork to invite themselves.

Our current boat is a perfect example. It's a 24' Trophy Offshore complete with any fishing gear you could want. It has a full wheelhouse and head, enough rods, downriggers and pots for our year round fishing lifestyle. I only ask that they pay their share of fuel and any gear they lose.

After a number of 'ugly' events, I instituted a fairly rigid policy: You must have previously owned or currently own a boat.

Three things happened immediately:

It is easy to tell them I'm not interested in taking them out.

Those that I take out know what all is involved in boat ownership, and they are far more accommodating to paying their share.

They know how to helm while I'm busy rigging lines!

Not sure what happens to people (especially when they drive) when they get on the helm, but their thinking ....let's just say, what thinking? Blackmouth fishing, the salmon are all within the bottom 5' of water. I asked a seasoned airplane pilot if he knew how to follow a contour. "Of course."

I pointed to the contour on the chartplotter, pointed to the island we were skirting, saying, "We want to stay around 80' deep. Keep the island to port, so deeper is to the right. Then I left him to go astern to rig the lines.

2 minutes later, as I drop the second downrigger and return to the helm, I look at the chartplotter and we are in 60' of water, and the bottom contour on the screen is rising. I looked up and saw that we were heading straight toward the island, and would have been beached on the rocks in another minute.

"Hard to the right! NOW!!!" I ran back and hit both DR's to bring them up. But it was too late, they were dragging and had crossed.

Once we were back in deep water, I told him to put it in neutral and come back to help me unravel the mess. But as he turned to leave the helm, he glanced at the chartplotter, and with the bottom contour line showing a 'peak', he asks, "Did we go over a mound?"

Not impressed, I replied, "No, ...you ran us into a mountain!"

I could have thrown him overboard. That event cost me $200 worth of braided lines, lead weights and fishing gear. As we arrive back at the dock, he hands me $50 for gas and bait. When I asked for the cost of the gear, he walked away.

Another guy, ... I asked him to helm while I set the downlines, and within minutes we had our first fish on. When I called to him to take it, as he left the helm, he used the wheel to stand up with, promptly spinning the wheel a good half a turn. This put us into a hard turn, crossing the downriggers and both lines, ...as the salmon snapped the 50lb braided line.

This was just two of 4 times I have taken newbies out, and all 4 cost me gear, ...but never again.

Yanno, ....*does the finger wave in the air ....thingy* ....I met an old salty sailor back in '95 who had two expressions that I carry with me today:

"Sailing is just like being in jail, ...but you can drown. Best you pick your cellmate wisely!" Oh my! I have learned that!

"If you are looking for someone to live with you on a sailboat, best you find one that sees dead calm as an opportunity to be creative, rather than a reason to dive into the last of the Oreo's."

I too am about to face the OP's dilemma.

Now, .....Wifey and I are not rich, but we have the means to do what we want to do. However, people are already lining up to assist us with the longer legs of moving the boat from the PNW into the South Pacific. Most think of it like a cruise ship, and that they are doing US a favor. They talk about themselves at the helm while a warm wind blows through their hair.

I've been struggling with what to tell them, in particular, about them bringing whatever they prefer to eat and paying their share. Bill, the link you just shared is priceless! Thank you!

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Old 20-01-2019, 14:02   #48
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

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..... I always appreciate experiencing, all over again, the beauty of sailing through someone else's eyes.
I agree! Also, our friends are so appreciative when we take them out for a short sail or for the day. We rarely have overnight guests and never invite anyone on long trips. We often politely advise our “rules” which I’ve also read on this post: our boat offers a party for 6, dinner for 4, and sleeping for 2 (us). We’ve kept all but one “friend” with these rules.
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Old 20-01-2019, 14:45   #49
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

I've owned several sailboats. Some nicer than others. I would often invite friends/relatives to come sailing. I found out rather quickly that almost all my guests were only interested in "looking cool" on a yacht, getting a tan, and drinking excessively. With the exception of one dear friend who is also a sailor (and has his own boat), none of my guests were interested in actual sailing at all. In fact, "boat stuff" like tacking, docking, or steering seemed distasteful to my guests. I stopped inviting. But some relatives continued to invite themselves each summer for a "boat ride". Knowing they had no interest in sailing, I would simply motor to a nearby anchorage and watch them get drunk while I enjoyed the show. Sometimes, my "guests" would pick a day when it was blowing 30 with steep waves. I would refuse to leave the dock. You can imagine how well that went over.

My sister-in-law was one of those guests. She sailed with me many times, and even after 20 years and 8 boats she could not cleat a line, raise a sail, or name a single boat part. I think to her it was about spending time with her sister with no distractions (pre-cell phones) and no stress, since I took care of everything boaty, including the "catering". When her cancer became advanced, she said she was sad that she would never get to go sailing again. I was surprised. It was only then that I realized that sailing isn't just about the technical stuff of owning a boat and making it go. Its also the shared experience of being out on the water. Even if you don't know your head from your tack, and haven't got a clew...sailing is still something to be treasured.

She lost her fight with cancer 3 years ago, at age 45.

I remember one time, on my little Cal 25, I got her to steer while I watched for rocks over the bow as we cleared a shoal. I saw a big boulder and asked her to turn to starboard. She replied "What's starboard?". "Turn right!" I yelled. "How do I turn right with a steering wheel?" she called back. "Just turn" I called back. So she turned hard to port and I watched the bottom getting closer and closer..."OTHER WAY, OTHER WAY" I called out, starting to panic. She turned and I relieved her at the wheel as we continued into deep water. The entire time she never put down her drink, or spilled a drop of it.
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Old 20-01-2019, 15:06   #50
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

I have no expectations when I invite someone on the boat, so I'm not disappointed.


It's up to me to let people know any safety items or anything else I'd like them to know while we're on the boat, or about shared expenses, or whatever. You have to remember, the neophytes really don't know, and the people who are in the know will help out.



With my friends and family, I'm very happy to share the experience. There has been lots of advice on this thread. My favorite is the "room for six to party, four for dinner, two to sleep" guideline.
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Old 20-01-2019, 15:25   #51
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Ask them to bring a couple of chooks and bread rolls with them then go for spin. Get them working, if the conversation goes quiet, tack, make them steer, adjust a sheet, put some twist in, take some out.

Have lunch somewhere, head back and chuck them out........... might be fun.

Where did you say you were
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Old 20-01-2019, 16:31   #52
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

If you turned up to visit people in a mobile home that you live in, people don’t ask to come and stay on your mobile home but if you turn up on a boat they want to come out and go for a ride or a fish on it but don’t understand it’s your home not a pleasure boat
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Old 20-01-2019, 16:45   #53
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

I am with Yalnud, you sound a bit uptight.
Some of our best days on the water have been with friends and complete strangers that friends bring along. Whats the worst that can happen, sail to a nice bay have a bite to eat, maybe a swim and head back. Really whats an afternoon out of your life? Hell even if it is the worst day ever its still going to make a good story later.

We have taken people we have just met on a public bus sailing and friends of friends have come out with us for an afternoon. Its all fun and makes for some good memories.

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Old 20-01-2019, 20:25   #54
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

We have a 32 and love to share. We do tell them no food service as cooking facilities suck so they bring a chicken and munchies and their wine. Had lovely times and the men are too happy to help
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Old 20-01-2019, 21:20   #55
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Tell them “You’re welcome but we’re nudists, is that alright with you?”
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Old 20-01-2019, 22:49   #56
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Assuming they actually are friends...once they bring up the subject, simply offer an acceptable plan...ie: We would love to have you out for the afternoon, we can depart at 3pm and be back by 7pm, so we can get a good nights sleep as we have some projects in the morning.

Or you could tell them: Sorry, I would love to have you over but I can't get mike to put his pants on, so....
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Old 20-01-2019, 23:06   #57
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

CapnBazza and Vahalla360 you have to be careful what message you send with those replys. Tina and I once spent an uncomfortable afternoon sailing on a yacht with a couple of swingers.....We were only 22 at the time and probably missed the signs but it made for interesting sail with the skipper and his wife hitting on us.

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Old 21-01-2019, 07:02   #58
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

I actually get joy from sharing my stuff with family and friends. They share their stuff with me as well. Lake houses, ski lodges, ski boats, sail boats, fishing trips, hunting, hunting dogs, etc. the more the better. If I can help them have a new experience, I'm all in.
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Old 21-01-2019, 08:10   #59
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?


I suppose because they are your friends. or at least that apply where I came from.
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Old 21-01-2019, 08:49   #60
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Re: Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

I find this topic interesting. We don't invite landlubbers on the boat anymore. Our only guests are other boat owners.

I honestly believe that there are only two kinds of boaters; Those who don't want landlubber guests, and those who eventually won't want landlubber guests. The latter simply haven't gotten sick of the nonsense yet.
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