What if chasing the dream means you have to give up a relationship?

[TaoJones]

Of course, there is no right, or wrong, answer to your quandary, SW.

If you choose to follow your dream of the life aquatic, and she opts not to follow, you may never see each other again. If you choose to stay with her, you may find the barriers between you and your sailing dream will increase over time.

Whichever one you choose may be right, or wrong. Reality has a way of intruding on everyone's dreams and choices.

Say that the sailing life, to you, is calm waters, moonlight sails, 15 knots on the beam with dolphins frolicking in your bow wave as you make your way to the next enchanted island and Sundowners in the cockpit with yet another stunning wahine you thinks you're the reincarnation of Errol Flynn or Gardner McKay, then reality will intrude sooner, probably, rather than later.

If you find being mistreated by a functionally illiterate douane less than welcoming, or going without sleep for more than 36 hours as you beat to windward, unable to hold any nourishment down, then finding your cabin sole awash and unable to locate the source, or even just get sick and tired of the same pointless conversations with other cruisers who've been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and now want to tell you why everything you're doing is wrong to be more than you bargained for, then understand that "the dream" is subject to constant assault. If you then decide the sailing life isn't for you, attempt to return to the fork-in-the-road, and take the other path - don't be surprised if she's already moved on. After all, she has her dreams, too.

But say you envision life with this perfect other as endless bliss, a rewarding, fulfilling job, no money worries, a cozy, comfortable home, happy, well-behaved children and a Cocker Spaniel who brings you your slippers, then, again, be prepared for reality to visit all too soon. And, in this instance, if you then try to go back and pursue your sailing fantasies, you may find that the dream you had in your youth doesn't hold the same appeal.

So, I wish you luck in making your choices, SW. If you're prepared to accept the consequences of your decisions, you have the opportunity to live a satisfying life.

TaoJones

[imagine2frolic]

Even though a cat is smaller than a house. It still offers you the WORLD. That larger house offers you what? A county or two, yearly property taxes, same old same old, a job that you love or just feeds you, and the list goes on & on.

Sounds like you don't know exactly what you want, and there is nothing wrong with being lost. A lot of people think it is romanatic to sail away. It can be, and 90+% of the time it is. There is the bad weather for a couple of days. There is the filthy work on the head in a humid HOT place. Watching the canvas of Mother Nature change by the minutes is priceless.

If you, and this lady can't work out this problem, and you fold on this ultimatum. There will be another just as soon as you give into this one. The the WHAT IF'S will begin to haunt you. The regrets will start to fester like horrible sores. Can you imagine waking up one day coming to the realization that you HATE your life?

You can find another love, you can make more money, you can do a lot of things in life, but you can NEVER get back time. Go now, and if you don't like at least you tried. You can always go back to what some call a normal life. You need to sit down, and have a good talk with your own soul. Once you figure out you. Then

[imagine2frolic]

Even though a cat is smaller than a house. It still offers you the WORLD. That larger house offers you what? A county or two, yearly property taxes, same old same old, a job that you love or just feeds you, and the list goes on & on.

Sounds like you don't know exactly what you want, and there is nothing wrong with being lost. A lot of people think it is romantic to sail away. It can be, and 90+% of the time it is. There is the bad weather for a couple of days. There is the filthy work on the head in a humid HOT place. Watching the canvas of Mother Nature change by the minute is priceless.

If you, and this lady can't work out this problem, and you fold on this ultimatum. There will be another just as soon as you give into this one. The the WHAT IFS will begin to haunt you. The regrets will start to fester like horrible sores. Can you imagine waking up one day coming to the realization that you HATE your life?

You can find another love, you can make more money, you can do a lot of things in life, but you can NEVER get back time. Go now, and if you don't like it at least you tried. You can always go back to what some call a normal life.

You need to sit down, and have a good talk with your own soul. Once you figure out you. Then you need to sit this lady down, and explain what you need in life. If she don't fit then walk away as friends, or enemies, but walk away. Obviously you already don't fit her needs, because you are a DREAMER.

Because being on a boat is what made me happy. I lost 2 wives, and several girlfriends. The misery of the lost love was short time. The happiness of owning or being on the boat has been daily for 18 years.

After all that being said. My BEST WISHES for the both of you coming to some kind of compromise that can let you both be happy. She deserves happiness as much as you do whether it is together, or apart.

[Alan Wheeler]

I think that if you area asking the question, then you have doubt. If you were sure either way, the question would never have been made in the first place.
Partnership is about taking a Journey together. Journey through life that is.
For me, I knew my wife well enough to know that with a lot of patience, she would eventually learn to love sailing. But when we made the decision, I had been married to her for 15yrs at that point. So I new her pretty well by then. The interesting thing is, we have both needed to take the same amount of time to get used to sailing in wider open ocean. Still a long way to go for me yet before I can lose site of land. But we will both get there eventually.
The other question is, is your girl friend part of the dream. You see, to me, if Dawn didn't come along with the my dream, then the dream wouldn't be complete. It was a joint dream. Having her missing would have been terrible and no fun at all. Some can be happy sailing on their own. But for many, it is about the Journey together.

[MarkJ]

Originally Posted by Alan Wheeler

if Dawn didn't come along with the my dream, then the dream wouldn't be complete.

Such romantic words.

[JusDreaming]

My wife has been quoted as telling other women "that if you take a man's dream away, you will only have half a man"

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by JusDreaming

My wife has been quoted as telling other women "that if you take a man's dream away, you will only have half a man"

Boy, I wish she talked to my wife 20 years ago.

I talked to her the other day and she admitted her dream is almost complete. Last one finishing high school and to begin college in fall. She looks at me strangely if the dream's accoutrement's are threatened. You know, all this STUFF we have.

I think she is like her friend..........who already has grand children and gobs of toys and such for when they visit. As many as are in their own home!

I fear I will crack soon.

I feel the clock ticking..........oh and my knees too.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by sundowner

Thanks all. I realize that asking this kind of question to other sailors is like getting support from an AA group ;-)

Nobody is suggesting that you abstain…. just don’t settle for an empty bottle without spirit left inside.

[Boracay]

Bill Dietrich has done an excellent website about the purchase of his yacht Magnolia and his subsequent adventures.

In his My Lifestyle section he mentions the effect of cruising on his relationships.

In his Family, Couple, Kids, Pets, Living and Cruising on a Boat section he discusses the matter further.

[Lorianne Davies]

Originally Posted by sundowner

I've always wanted to incorporate sailing into a business or at least a long term crusing lifestyle. My girlfriend is great in so many ways, but has pretty much decided that she wouldn't like sailing for more than a week at a time, is more "land based", has claustrophobia, and can't see herself living on a sailboat. She loves me too, but seems like we're coming to an impasse. Is chasing the dream worth losing a relationship?

Well, here's my 2$CDN...

My sense is that this will never leave you. If you can compromise for 20 years,raise your kids, survive the treadmill, emerge with your health intact and sock away some money, you'll have another shot at it.

I tried the dream 20 year ago...couldn't find a guy who thought it was funny when the power went out at -10 degrees celsius....I now know that I'll be on my own this time but have a load of sailing friends still hanging around from those days ...those guys never leave you.

So....just make your decision and be willing to live with the consequences...kinda like paying your taxes in my country!

Above all, don't take yourself too seriously and keep your eye on the "best before date" regarding your physical body.

BTW if your girlfriend golfs and likes Porches, I may have man for her!

[Lorianne Davies]

Oops sorry, my Freudian slip....I mean Porsches...gotta quite renovating...

[deepblueme]

I tried living the dream once....
Our plan was get married, have the kid then in 2 years move to the VI ( am a scuba Inst.
I got the job, moved there, nice place to live, 3 months later as planned she comes down and hated living there. She worked 3 days a week and went to the beach with our son the rest of the time, just couldn't stand the slow pace the "soon come" of the locals. Told my boss she was leaving, and left, 2 weeks later I get "laid off" so as not to split up the family.
I went "home" to live with a friend as she moved in with her X from 5 years before we met.

But now I am living a different dream being a whitewater kayak Inst in Colorado, if that wouldn't have happened I wouldn't have this life experience.

Till the next dream comes to happen..... Back to the islands......

You have to live the life you want.... if others want to be there they will.

[Lorianne Davies]

.....I mean QUIT renovating...OMG, TaoJones is gonna give it to me when he sees these spelling mistakes....

[cathyoz]

Antoine de Saint- exupery said about love..

"loving is not looking at each other , but looking in the same direction"

i leave you to your own thinking about that ...

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by cathyoz

Antoine de Saint- exupery said about love..

"loving is not looking at each other , but looking in the same direction"

i leave you to your own thinking about that ...

Was he Gay?