Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

[Svdestiny]

Originally Posted by atoll

it is sad how the face of cruising has changed over the last 30 years,to the realm of exclusive "checkbook" cruisers,who with the aid of the internet are no longer reliant on other cruisers for the transfere of current local information,at happy hour or potlucks,or other social gatherings for example.

perhaps had the couple that were assulted,and the husband killed,taken the time to mingle with "local cruisers",instead of their "arc"conterparts,in their neat insulated bubble,they would have been advised to stay well clear of vieux fort,a well know clearing house for gangs that operate bringing drugs from st.vincent.

i'm all for the interdependence in the yachting community,and despise this exclsivity amongst the new breed of well heeled sailors that bring their suburban habits to the world of cruising.

Atoll so I'm a well heeled? Exclusive?im a retired nurse, hubby's a retired electrician, I'm from USA, hubby's Irish. We own a 34ft 43year old boat, currently in port, recuperating from chemo. Returning to Mexico, which we love, in two months. We strongly believe in getting local and cruiser info, it's just that I have difficulty with crowds. Groups can make me so anxious I throw up, as I'm sure I would if u met you.
And I'm shocked you would trash that poor couple in st Lucia without knowing them.

[MarkJ]

If someone is shy, thats ok,the events are not obligatory

I have only done a very few potlucks. Big in the Bahamas. sundowners are good on some beach and then folks can go their own way for dinner.

I never buddy boat.

Dominos. You wont find me there.

No weather lectures here abouts.

Full moon raft ups, but only if i an on the outside where i can slip my line at soon as the Raft Up Nazi decides its his duty to turn his outboard on and navigate the group.

I cant do loud music so I go home.

I'm shy in a gregarious kinda way

[Hudson Force]

We enjoy meeting our "friends" that we repeatedly encounter. We see cruisers in different ports that we have met before and we do share some discussion of favorable anchorages or risks as Atoll mentions above; however, we do spend most of our time without others. I do meet others and I often ask them about their travels and experiences. I am quick to see differences in deck equipment and ask others about their techniques. I enjoy learning from others and I still get new ideas even after my own 55 years of boating.

That said, there's something different about the dense gatherings of cruisers in places like Marathon, Key West, Vero Beach and Georgetown in the Exumas. I still pass some time near these places and even stay at Vero Beach for a while, but we are soon depressed by the social pack and the organizers. It is sometimes too much like an adult day care facility and we need to get back to our isolated anchorages.

[Sulaire]

"Adult day care facility" , thank you for that captforce , made my day!

Charlie.

[Hudson Force]

Originally Posted by atoll

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i'm all for the interdependence in the yachting community,and despise this exclsivity amongst the new breed of well heeled sailors that bring their suburban habits to the world of cruising.

Let me take a moment to defend Atoll's statement. It is not my impression, from my experience, to interpret his intent as an accusation made against the victims in St Lucia. I would rather focus on what I believe to be his more honorable intent and that is to caution people to be atuned to their crusing surroundings and not be isolated by class or background. In the same manner that some cuisers rely so heavily upon their virtual electronic navigation devices that they don't see the real rocks at the bow; some may not see the reality of the social conditions where they are crusing.

[captain58sailin]

My Wife and I are the same way, we are private people, we are okay to meet individuals, I'm not interested in parties, my Wife is more outgoing. Never raft up unless there is some kind of emergency, that requires it. Prefer to be the only ones in the cove, if there are a bunch of boats when we arrive, we will pick out the farthest spot from the others and be gone the next day early. And we agree, it is the quality of the friendships, not the quantity. Hey maybe we could start a cruising club for people who don't like clubs.

[Blue Crab]

I didn't read that as harshly as you did, SVD.

I'm not shy but I like to do the picking and choosing, so I avoid the group stuff. Buddy boating? Wot? I don't sleep with my blankie any more either.

I'm not even as crabby as you'd think but I'm fine with a wave and a smile; I'll call ya by vessel name, that's good enough. I don't like all the questions new people always seem to have. I've learned that it's camouflage for the other's desperate need to talk about themselves. I have a small mean game where I'll answer a question but not ask about them in return. Without fail, folks will just jump in with their spiel even tho I didn't ask. Every time.

Nope. No cruiser's cards from me. That's a couples game.

And those jammed anchorages? I might get forced into one but only til daylight. I have enough worries about my own ground tackle without wondering about yours.

[Hudson Force]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

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I never buddy boat.
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I also don't "buddy boat", but I do regularly introduce my presence when making a passage with other boats that are near by coincidence. I'll share my destination intent and mention that I'll be their "neighbor for the day".

[atoll]

Originally Posted by Svdestiny

Atoll so I'm a well heeled? Exclusive?im a retired nurse, hubby's a retired electrician, I'm from USA, hubby's Irish. We own a 34ft 43year old boat, currently in port, recuperating from chemo. Returning to Mexico, which we love, in two months. We strongly believe in getting local and cruiser info, it's just that I have difficulty with crowds. Groups can make me so anxious I throw up, as I'm sure I would if u met you.
And I'm shocked you would trash that poor couple in st Vincent without knowing them.

sorry if you have taken my comments personally ,they were not meant that way,more a generalization on the state of cruising these days!,and its decline and commercialization by those who see the lifestyle as a retirement plan or sabatical,on well funded budgets.

these people interact rarely,can't be bothered to haggle,display enourmous wealth in poor communities,and leave in their wake an expectation amongst the locals that westeners are easy targets,and indifferent to thier poverty.

it is a fact of life there are areas that it is inadvisable to visit by yacht,but every year brings a fresh crop of victims.
pot lucks etc are a neccasary part of cruising to avoid trouble spots,get the best deals,swap info,crew,spare parts etc.

i am trying to be objective here on the realities,rather than subjective as you are on your own personal foibles.

please i would rather you did not infere that i am a horrible person,as i am not,if i had a dollar for every person that i had helped over the years..........

[Sulaire]

Atoll, i think we are all on the same page here, just crossed wires somewhere.

We are naturally reserved people, just as 30 years ago most cruisers were, not in a shy way, but in a more respectful way. Overall we kept an eye out for each other and swapped stories without bravado. Great.

Things have changed since then, and I am all for change, but in this case its not for me I am afraid.

I think what has happened is that the more reserved and respectful people have been drowned out by the empty barrels to the point that for us anyway , we have decided to opt out from the 24 hour party people. We still meet up with other cruisers but not around organised camp fires, its just too tiring listening to all that crap. But by recognising like minded more respectful types.

Cruising lifestyle is a great way to meet people, but it is not a crime if you do not want to be friendly with everyone you meet.

Charlie.

[captain58sailin]

I was 18, when I made my first big crossing from SD to Nuka Hiva, 21 days. When we anchored up, after things had settled a bit, the first drive by was by none other than Pappy Lemons, in the flesh (Ask any older hotrod guy). He came by in his skiff, greeted us and gave us the low down on different things in the cove, like water, fresh meal etc... he never left his skiff and was perfectly content. We returned the favor once we got our zodiac launched. There was a wide range of different styles of cruisers there from the French guy who had a bare bones trimarran who smoked dope and sailed nude (kind of looked like Atoll's avatar, who was friendly enough, just stayed by himself, until one of the girls from the other boats would throw herself at him. There was the all female crew, of another vessel that were not interest in any male companionship at all. There was the rich Swiss industrialist on a 60' Swan with a polar bear skin rug on the cabin sole, he had a French Captain that was taking him around for 5 years and then signing the boat over to the Captain as payment. He had a cook and cook's helper. We were the atypical middle class Alaskans on "The big adventure". From time to time we would visit the other peoples vessels. It usually fell to whomever was the last arrival to greet the new arrivals and give them the lay of the land, which was okay. And down the line we would meet and greet the other vessels we would come across at different islands, and some of those folks became life long friends.

[skippy]

Well that's why we are getting on the boat. To get away from people. Boating allows you to decide when n with whom you want to socialize - most of the time. We are so bombarded w technology n people wanting everything faster now, that we cringe at "herd" areas n functions. I like one on one, so I can get to know someone. We interact but on a small scale. You are not alone on this!

[zeehag]

there are some important parts of gatherings with cruisers, but most of the groups i have seen of cruisers who gather have been those from rallies attended when they first sailed out of whereverville.
we have a vhf net in mornings which is a good exchange of info medium, and the potlucks are rare and associated only with larger holidays.
the rally attendees of various years all hang together without generalized mingling..yes there are exceptions, and that is how i made friends out here.
rally attendees are closer knit than are we solo cruisers.
some have interesting things to say and others merely bring their land based part time home stuff with em. these are the louder ones in the quiet anchorage whose sounds are louder than the local wildlife. the lone sailor boats are away from the grouping of cliqueish souls, and there is little mingling, as each grouping is different in basic values and interests.
is funny how when richie rich and brokeass joe head for the local watering holes the only difference is in the quality of clothing worn .....everyone looks stoopit when dronk. and each end of bar is covered by one or the other....yet they still dont mingle.
cruising is an adventure that is different for each of us.
some of us do not like to mingle and others do.
i usually mingle with the locals to find out the interesting news and locations of repair places and shops carrying interesting boat stuff, while the others usually gather to drink.
the locals also know where the danger zones are where bandidos frequent, and the local watermen are excellent with local weather.
i noticed that richie rich does no mingling with locals.
the main medium here for exchange of info is the vhf net in mornings. that is only place wherein all of us are essentially same and not differentiated from each other.

did i say i dont play well with others??? lol.....i avoid most of the gatherings of cruising types as it is usually all same old stuff and not much actual news.

[Dulcesuenos]

So if wear nice clothes as opposed to stained rags were considered ritchey rich? And if we look like La gringa y gringo youll pobably not mingle with us?😭

Sent from my LG-LS980 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[zeehag]

Originally Posted by Dulcesuenos

So if wear nice clothes as opposed to stained rags were considered ritchey rich? And if we look like La gringa y gringo youll pobably not mingle with us?😭

Sent from my LG-LS980 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

i dont mingle with much of anyone, so dont wear your gucci slippers and chanel dress just for me. i am not impressed. also, on the other hand, dont dress down just for me either. i prolly still wont mingle with ye.

unless of course your stained rags have same kinds of stains as mine which could well be a conversation starter......
i do not go by appearances but by character .,