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Old 20-01-2014, 06:14   #91
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

Atoll, go play bully somewhere else
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Old 20-01-2014, 06:22   #92
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pirate Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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Originally Posted by Svdestiny View Post
What it's all about is that I was curious if there were shy cruisers out there, just my shy way of connecting with people of like temperament on a night with not much to do. And I was just trying to be a bit funny( which doesn't work obviously...my husband said my humor doesn't work south of the mason-Dixon line!). I actually like people, a little too much maybe, it's just that it's hard for me to connect, especially in a group settings.

Outgoing extroverts can't fathom it, but I'm shy, not antisocial!! Thin skinned,yes and shocked at how some people get angry around this topic. It's not a gun thread for gods sake. It's just that the people you Meet when out there ARE important, it's just harder for shy folks to make that personal connection.

So, to me, this is about fear, a fear as real as the fear of storms, reefs, financial emergencies, health emergencies, systems failures And I like to be prepared!
Its quite common for people to be offended when you don't want to get involved in what they organise sadly.. for them its a personal insult..
But.. that's their problem.. not mine..
As that old song goes..
'Got along without ya...
Before I met ya...
Gonna get along without you now...'
I can live with being called a selfish lazy B@$tard...
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Old 20-01-2014, 06:28   #93
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

Thanks boatman.
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Old 20-01-2014, 06:47   #94
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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I actually like people, a little too much maybe, it's just that it's hard for me to connect, especially in a group settings. ... Outgoing extroverts can't fathom it, but I'm shy, not antisocial!!
Nicely said Svdestiny. In some ways, extrovert do have a hard time understanding us introverts (and vice versa). According to the research I've read, it's b/c extroverts thrive with lots of interactions with lots of people. They need this level of engagement with others. It's how they process their world.

Introverts, on the other hand, can only manage lots of engagement with large groups for a short while before starting to shut down. It is harder for us to process all the input, so we tend to withdraw. Introverts need time to recover from these big events, which is why most of us tend to avoid them. It's not that we can't, it's just that unlike extroverts, it is difficult for us. And it does not really give us what we need.

Introverts tend to want to engage everyone they meet at a more comprehensive level. We want to engage in in-depth conversations, for example exploring the idea of shy cruisers . Extroverts can dance at a superficial level. They revel in small talk. For us introverts, it's just hard work.

So yes, both extroverts and introverts can have a hard time understanding each other.
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Old 20-01-2014, 07:01   #95
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

Just in case it hasn't become clear for some that are not yet out cruising; there is not only the option, as Jim Cate mentioned, of politely declining to participate, but there is also the option to be in locations away from the crowds. Even in areas like South Florida & the Keys we can always find a secure place well away from others. Then we can be just a couple hundred feet from another boat an have no interaction. Sometimes a dinghy from another boat may come by, but if you don't offer to take a line, that's all,- a brief hello and they're gone. Sometimes our shallow draft will allow us access to a more secluded anchorage, but most often it's just a choice not to cluster among the flock. A flag is an amusing idea, but it's very easy to be isolated while cruising. Even at the slip in a marina, just smile and nod and they pass by.
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Old 20-01-2014, 07:10   #96
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pirate Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

[QUOTE=Mike OReilly;1445211]
Introverts need time to recover from these big events, QUOTE]

Yeah... hangovers take a couple or 3 days to throw off these days..
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Old 20-01-2014, 07:32   #97
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Old 20-01-2014, 07:35   #98
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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Yeah... hangovers take a couple or 3 days to throw off these days..
Hey! I'm not as young as I once was .
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Old 20-01-2014, 07:49   #99
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

atoll wasnt being a bully.
i am stuck here in barra de navidad without engine without ability to mobilize out of here.
yes it IS exactly like a trailer park. FACT.
many anchorages are, in fact, like this when cruisers are out in high season.
FACT.
only those not out cruising in high season do not understand this FACT.
sometimes the crowd is not escapable, sometimes it is. when one awaits machine shop services in pair a dice, one WAITS and that waiting is done in the trailer park called anchorage, or in a severely overpriced high season marina. lol

pot luck parties and gatherings are generally announced on the vhf cruisers net in mornings, so they are avoidable.
they are way over-organized and overly structured events.
i dont even go to crash for the good foods made by other boaters....
as i dont drink i dont miss the overly crowded events..most of which one must bring own fork and plate...lol mine stay home.
the quiet of the evenings is interrupted by generators and loud talking.
many do not realize how far ones voice travels thru and over water.
some of the things said are very interesting......
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Old 20-01-2014, 07:55   #100
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

Enforced jollyment - yuck .

The great thing about travelling (afloat or ashore) is that are not married to the neighbours. Whilst sometimes a "f#ck off" can offend, nonetheless for some it can be the most appropriate greeting .

just because you are shy (me also dislikes large groups - especially the feeling of being stuck somewhere) does not mean cannot be selective (with people and events) or have to be polite with everyone (especially those on the PITA end of the spectrum).........the trick is not also being overly sensitive, real life or online.

A boat is the perfect vehicle for getting away from folks - don't even need to move anywhere, just let folks onboard with care and have a perfect excuse (reason) to leave anywhere (anyone!) to get back onboard.
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Old 20-01-2014, 07:56   #101
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

If you didn't like hanging out with people on land, you probably won't want to do it on water. Nothing intrinsically wrong with that.

We like a wide variety of situations from isolated wilderness anchorages to raft ups like the picture someone posted earlier with hundreds of boats. If a situation becomes uncomfortable, we have the advantage of floating somewhere else.

Learning to politely decline an invitation is a valuable skill. If you just bluntly tell someone you don't want to go to the party they put themselves out, to put on... guess what they will likely take it that you are rude. Just put a little sugar in and we find most people are very understanding. If you truly have an anti-social disorder, gently let the person know that while you appreciate it, it's hard for you and I guarantee, they will be just fine. If it's just today, you don't feel like being social, come up with another activity or reason you won't be making it.
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Old 20-01-2014, 09:48   #102
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

SVDestiny, doing your own thing is why I cruise. I might row around an anchorage in the evening mostly just to hear the birds . I stay away from others because I enjoy the quiet and assume they might also.
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Old 20-01-2014, 10:04   #103
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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LOL, If I'm too polite they might ask me again. Wheres the point in that... Really with my "anti-social disorder", rude sort of works. I don't need a reason to not go to a party, pot luck or what ever. To be nice, I might say that I need to give the cat a bath or need to change the oil in the engine. Though I'll probably just say no thank you and call it good.
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Old 20-01-2014, 10:06   #104
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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Learning to politely decline an invitation is a valuable skill. If you just bluntly tell someone you don't want to go to the party they put themselves out, to put on... guess what they will likely take it that you are rude. Just put a little sugar in and we find most people are very understanding. If you truly have an anti-social disorder, gently let the person know that while you appreciate it, it's hard for you and I guarantee, they will be just fine. If it's just today, you don't feel like being social, come up with another activity or reason you won't be making it.
LOL, If I'm too polite they might ask me again. Wheres the point in that... Really with my "anti-social disorder", rude sort of works. I don't need a reason to not go to a party, pot luck or what ever. To be nice, I might say that I need to give the cat a bath or need to change the oil in the engine. Though I'll probably just say no thank you and call it good.
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Old 20-01-2014, 10:50   #105
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

Hey, can we come over and watch while you give the cat a bath and change your engine oil? Sounds like our kind of fun.
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