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Old 19-01-2014, 09:23   #46
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pirate Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

I too dislike the 'Organized Do' set up by ex-pat cruisers.. the norm in the Med is cruise for 7-8mths then head for a marina of choice for the winter..
I used to hit Agua Dulce which had a strong 'Brit' presence as the airport at Almeria 20mins away had direct flights to the UK and was reasonably priced at the time..
First winter there, about 2 weeks before Christmas there was a knock on the hull and a rather posh lady said there was a dinner to celebrate the season.. (Brits only..) at a local bar run by Brits.. 850 peseta's/head.. the menu was basic to say the least with a half bottle of wine... the sort of meal one could have in town for Menu del Dia for 275 peseta's and wine included.. We said 'No thanks'..
We were then blanked by the 'Crowd' for the next few days..
Anyway.. I got together with a couple of young Swedish lads and we cut a oil drum in half.. set one up for a Barbie and the other one to use for heating.. cleared the B/yard of all the waste/broken pallets for fuel, grabbed some planks and rocks and made up an area by the breakwater... then we posted notices on the doors of the showers announcing an 'All Welcome' do for the same night... next morning 'Stick up Butt' was banging on the hull accusing us of trying to sabotage her 'Do'..
Anyway.. turned out a great success with French, Swiss, Scandinavians, Dutch, Germans and even some of the Marinheiro's and their families.. and some fellow Brit 'exiles'..
about 60+ all told... and no one talked about golf...
I just did what I normally do.. find a rock/seat right on the fringe and watch folk having fun..
I'm a selective loner.. prefer to let people find me.. and if I go any where its in my own transport on my own schedule..
Nothing worse than having to stay when its crap.. or have to leave when your having a ball..
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Old 19-01-2014, 09:30   #47
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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I just did what I normally do.. find a rock/seat right on the fringe and watch folk having fun..]
Hey, I can do that!
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Old 19-01-2014, 09:41   #48
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

I don't own a boat, yet, but I plan on sailing off to barrier islands for camping with my children and a friend or two. I, too, have read these forums with some fear of the extroverts coming by too often. While I enjoy the learning aspect of camaraderie I'm certainly looking forward to time away from the hustle and bustle.

I also find it sad that social status had to be thrown into this discussion. Introverts, shy people, sometimes have genuine social fears that come along with depression. I'm treating my depression by getting out into the wide open, albeit with a small crew.

It's my experience that outgoing individuals cannot relate to the introvert and treat it like laziness.
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Old 19-01-2014, 09:49   #49
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

You are not alone, not at all. Let the extroverts have their fun, and do what feels comfortable to you.

I'm an introvert and I don't drink that much normally. I often say the two years I spent in the Caribbean, I drank as much as the other 30+ years I've been a pseudo-grownup. I did enjoy having one or two boats over for sundown and snacks. I think the potlucks are bigger now than 20 years ago. From what I've heard from my friends down there now who are the only folks I've kept in touch with from the last cruise, things are different, much busier with more bigger boats. They are hanging out in out of the way places in the Bahamas nowadays, just going in to Nassau or Georgetown for provisions occasionally.

Many times I have left port on the same track as other boats, and chatted enroute, but I don't buddy-boat. It would feel like a leash!
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Old 19-01-2014, 09:53   #50
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

I forgot to add that I don't drink. Seems an expected part of socializing that makes me uncomfortable.
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Old 19-01-2014, 09:59   #51
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

Does anyone get the irony of this thread? Antisocial preferences being declared by people using social media.

I like meeting like meeting nice people and certainly, sharing information enhances everyone's cruising safety and experiences. Often, a fellow cruiser has a problem or part I can help with. I keep stuff just 'cause I expect to find a guy that needs it. If you don't meet the 'natives' as you travel, you might as well look at the post cards and stay home.
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Old 19-01-2014, 10:00   #52
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

This... is a great thread. Thanks.

Although we haven't done extended cruising to foreign lands, we do religiously attend an annual "Rendezvous" with other Sandpiper 565 owners, where we trailer to a new location and spend 3 days on a mini-cruise.

We average between 8 and 11 boats attending, with sailors from Michigan, Ontario and Quebec (and once, a guy from Colorado). The group has evolved over the last 7 years: the hyper-organized schedule-Nazis have dropped away, and what's left is an amiable, flexible, no-pressure easy-going core, that new attendees generally take to right away.

My wife and I are essentially introverts, but value our friends and enjoy small gatherings. Several of the Rendezvous regulars have become friends. From our rendezvous experience and this thread, i see how like-minded people can find each other and achieve a workable balance of solitude and socializing. Cool.
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Old 19-01-2014, 10:03   #53
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pirate Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

"The Loner Cruiser: These cruisers want to be on their own. They prefer secluded anchorages, turn their noses up at things like "buddy boating" (herd mentality=bad decisions) and abhor pot-lucks and any other type of cruiser-y gathering. They intentionally avoid crowded harbors, hardly ever stay at marinas and avoid like the plague any place that might be deemed "touristy". They can sometimes be perceived as cruising snobs because they keep to themselves but the real story is that they are just not into group gatherings. They are in this for the adventure, not the party. Culture and nature are biggies with these guys."

This is from Windtraveler: April 2013, a sailing blog and is a fun read. Most other group stereotypes are mentioned. I suspect you will find yourself in this wonderful essay. I'd have copied the whole deal but I don't think that's good netiquette.
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Old 19-01-2014, 10:10   #54
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pirate Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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Originally Posted by Nicholson58 View Post
Does anyone get the irony of this thread? Antisocial preferences being declared by people using social media.
...
I'd guess we all get it but the forum is like being the outermost boat in the raftup. For me, this is pretty much all the social interaction I need. The other stuff is about other needs.
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Old 19-01-2014, 10:13   #55
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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I forgot to add that I don't drink. Seems an expected part of socializing that makes me uncomfortable.
Ditto.

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Originally Posted by Blue Crab View Post
"The Loner Cruiser: These cruisers want to be on their own. They prefer secluded anchorages, turn their noses up at things like "buddy boating" (herd mentality=bad decisions) and abhor pot-lucks and any other type of cruiser-y gathering. They intentionally avoid crowded harbors, hardly ever stay at marinas and avoid like the plague any place that might be deemed "touristy". They can sometimes be perceived as cruising snobs because they keep to themselves but the real story is that they are just not into group gatherings. They are in this for the adventure, not the party. Culture and nature are biggies with these guys."

This is from Windtraveler: April 2013, a sailing blog and is a fun read. Most other group stereotypes are mentioned. I suspect you will find yourself in this wonderful essay. I'd have copied the whole deal but I don't think that's good netiquette.
Yep, That sounds about right.
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Old 19-01-2014, 10:33   #56
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

To the OP, I recognize your description. But I also recognize Atoll's comments (dis-regarding the taste thereof). What I see has changed is a sense of "community" amongst cruisers, and I suspect that is really because there are now more of them, and there are multiple communities. While not a potlucker I do enjoy playing the game of volleyball on the beach, and will sit on a rock on the opposite side of the gathering from Boatie. But I always knew everyone there, and knew who to turn to when I needed help with something, and the reverse was also true, everyone knew my skill sets and that I could be relied on for this or that.

When I finally got married my wife thought cruising sounded wonderful, but her comment after six months in Mexico was that it felt like high school all over again. Cliques, the "popular" crowd, and the misfits and outcasts on the outside of the anchorage (raise hand here). However, once we got past Mexico and the community got smaller it also became less cliquish. I think you will see the same in many areas, the easy to get to destinations will have large groups, and thus sub-groups, while as you get to harder to reach destinations a single group becomes more cohesive and less large and intimidating.

In the end there's room for all different types, and you will find kindred spirits at the edge of the anchorage, or around the next point in the less popular location.
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Old 19-01-2014, 10:35   #57
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

The cruising lifestyle is, just that: a lifestyle. Its where individuals are free to choose the behavior of their preference. If people prefer solitude over the company of others, I can see no valid reason to offer a judgement. On the other hand, if people enjoy raft-ups, potluck s, etc, I say, more power to them. I don't see either choice as right or wrong - it's simply a matter of personal preference.

When we were cruising in Indonesia, we briefly met a French family who told us that they don't like people. We think something was lost in translation but we understood that they preferred to be left alone rather than join us for sundowners. We were not offended but rather appreciated them being forthright about their preference.

Regardless, one of the highlights of our cruising experience has been meeting other cruisers from all over the world. I think there's something about the shared experience of cruising on yachts that naturally attracts people to get together. I feel our lives are richer with the many deep friendships we have developed over the 20 years we have been cruising. But, again, that's just my personal opinion.

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Old 19-01-2014, 10:36   #58
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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Originally Posted by Nicholson58 View Post
Does anyone get the irony of this thread? Antisocial preferences being declared by people using social media.

I like meeting like meeting nice people and certainly, sharing information enhances everyone's cruising safety and experiences. Often, a fellow cruiser has a problem or part I can help with. I keep stuff just 'cause I expect to find a guy that needs it. If you don't meet the 'natives' as you travel, you might as well look at the post cards and stay home.
can you believe this.....LOL.....the picture is very clear....
I love you all and I hope to meet everyone of you someday,
all you guys would be a blast to hang out with
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Old 19-01-2014, 11:32   #59
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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Does anyone get the irony of this thread? Antisocial preferences being declared by people using social media.
The great thing about social media is that I can switch folks (and groups) off when I want to .

Real life not always so easy. but I manage .

click .
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Old 19-01-2014, 13:06   #60
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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"Adult day care facility" , thank you for that captforce , made my day!

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+1 !
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