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Old 24-02-2014, 18:13   #226
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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Originally Posted by Teleman View Post
Anchor where the Wharrams are.
Usually "Pot luck" has a different connotation.
haha
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Old 24-02-2014, 19:18   #227
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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Anchor where the Wharrams are.
Usually "Pot luck" has a different connotation.
But very few combine both meanings in such a way as the California teacher who was arrested for bringing marijuana laced brownies to a pot luck dinner.
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Old 25-02-2014, 08:10   #228
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

i will smile and wave, but if i have to listen to their generators, yappy and whiny dogs, and loud talking until late in dark, at less than my swing room, i will not wish to join with any kind of other interaction.
too much is too much.
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Old 25-02-2014, 12:08   #229
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

I'm one of those people who will start a conversation with a stranger while waiting in a line, at the dock waiting for the launch, while riding in the launch, etc. Doesn't mean I want people I've never spoken with showing up at my boat all the time inviting me to a pot luck on the beach.
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Old 25-02-2014, 13:46   #230
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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I'm one of those people who will start a conversation with a stranger while waiting in a line, at the dock waiting for the launch, while riding in the launch, etc. Doesn't mean I want people I've never spoken with showing up at my boat all the time inviting me to a pot luck on the beach.
Exactly. I'll strike up conversations with random people as well. That in no way makes me an extravert and especially doesn't make me someone who likes crowds of people I don't know.
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Old 26-02-2014, 13:36   #231
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speaking with people is way different than having em park less than a boat length from you when you have four boatlengths of chain on bottom.
or even different than figgering participation in over organised dining would be fun....
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Old 26-02-2014, 13:48   #232
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

i like the idea of Wharram style pot luck brownies......just don't give them to the kids....

wife swapping......anybody?
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Old 26-02-2014, 13:51   #233
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

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i like the idea of Wharram style pot luck brownies......just don't give them to the kids....



wife swapping......anybody?

I need to get out more.... And go to your style of pot lucks. Mine are full of boring old farts ... Like me

Dave
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Old 26-02-2014, 13:51   #234
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

Many of the same issues are encountered on land. Just we normally don't have as much leisure time there. An example we think of is people wanting us to come to a sports bar or a home where they're having tons of people to drink beer and watch a football game. Screaming, yelling involved. Loud. Instead of quietly watching at home or just having a couple of your best friends over to watch with you. It's fine they ask. But they should also accept no and some just don't seem to know how to take no for an answer.
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Old 22-03-2014, 21:07   #235
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

My wife and I don't socialize much either. We don't mind saying hello to others, but are introverts and simply prefer our own company. I don't feel like we need to apologize for that.
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Old 24-03-2014, 20:06   #236
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

I remember a number of years ago reading a mail in reply to a cruising article by a fairly independent soul who had an issue with people anchoring on top of him. His strategy was to stand on deck butt naked and wave to the incoming boat (he was no spring chicken), he figured those who didn't have a sense of humor would stay way away, and he probably didn't want to talk to them anyway. Those who did have a sense of humor wouldn't care and would probably laugh it off and anchor at a respectful distance, maybe even raise the cocktail flag. I belong to that group of people.
I started traveling on motorcycles because you could cover a lot of ground cheaply and get the full immersion experience, just like sailing. I met a lot of very independent, individual people but that was in the 70's, as it became more acceptable I ran into a lot more people who wanted to be seen and heard because it was now "cool" and not too dangerous within certain limitations, I didn't see those types up near the Arctic Circle in Canada or the far reaches of Mexico (before the drug wars) but the people I did meet there doing the same things were worth talking to.
Both my wife and I are social people who do enjoy peoples company, I'm no where as social as she is, I would rather spend my time with people I find interesting to converse with, people who think and have something to say, whether I agree with it or not. People of substance, very individual people who have the self confidence to have a self depreciating humor, these are the kind of people my close friends are. Leave the ego at the door, love life, enjoy life, respect others and don't judge. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy a few spirits and some laughs with fun people, I just don't make it the main focus of my life, I have other more personal things I want to pursue.
There's a wide spectrum out there, you can choose to join in or not, it's up to you, I choose to join in when I find people who I can relate to, I don't need to be in a group just to feel I belong, but sometimes it's fun to, my wife is very social and loves to be in it. i don't dance well, but I'll still get up and dance, even I need to once in awhile.
Of course, I never chose to travel off the beaten path just to be part of the heard.
The nice thing about cruising? You do whatever you want to, join up or don't, if you don't want to be part of the crowd then go where the crowd doesn't. There's absolutely nothing wrong with doing your own thing, just don't put down what others do, to each their own. An invitation is just that, an invitation, nothing more, it requires no obligation.
Personally, I worked at an occupation that had me living in other countries for extended periods, I enjoyed becoming part of the local culture, not living apart from it, you meet many more interesting people that way.
Cheers
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Old 04-04-2014, 14:31   #237
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

No one wants to raft up to me.. maybe its the little 40ft boat that got sucked in to my bow thruster

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Old 04-04-2014, 14:34   #238
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

That IS apart of the problem social media is an oxymoron. Its not social at all.

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Old 04-04-2014, 14:47   #239
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

[QUOTE=lifeofreilly57;1501187
I started traveling on motorcycles because you could cover a lot of ground cheaply and get the full immersion experience, just like sailing.[/QUOTE]

I think a lot of sailing folks also rode long distances on bikes (I'm an "Iron Butt" member my self). Not a prerequisite, but the freedom thought is there. I don't go to "Bike Week" any more, never did Sturgis. Too many people for me.
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Old 04-04-2014, 16:17   #240
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Re: Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

Ive read the thread from beginning to end and have been intrigued. Ive laughed a lot at the humour.

Ive been in medicine for over 30 years now and learned a long time ago that everyone is an individual. No classifications, diseases have similar groupings of symptoms, and even then, respond in a unique way. People are themselves.

Whether you are naturally shy or naturally gregarious, it dont matter. What needs to be done is learn a few things for getting on in the boating world.

  • When someone asks a question, it does not obligate you to give an answer to that question.
  • Even more, it does not obligate you to give more information freely to questions never asked.
  • When you refuse an invitation, stop thinking about THEIR feelings. You were asked, you have a choice of a response.
  • GIve them the respect to accept your answer.
  • Give yourself the respect to be your own person.
  • Learn to be assertive. It might mean saying "NO" twice, but the second time it will be accepted. No explanations necessary.
  • If the second "NO" is ignored.. then a polite dismissal of the person by showing them to the door or excusing yourself is in order.
  • On land you will avoid going to restaurants and clubs you dont like. If you dont want the social scene in a certain mooring, either avoid it or move to the outside.
  • You have a door to your vessel. It requires an invitation to step aboard. If none is given then your peace will be respected.
Im not a shy person. I am a loner though. I like it. I will keep to myself and politely be assertive when refusing offers. Always be SURE that you cannot make their arrangement and let them know that.


Be who you are. Just say no to imposition and discomfort. Dont make it your fault.
The choice is always YOURS.
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