Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

[captain58sailin]

The nice thing about Alaska, if you want to get out by yourself and not interact with the masses, you certainly have that option. I have been on 3 week long lining trips and have not clapped eyes on another boat, until I got back to the harbor, then it's time for some socializing.

[rognvald]

Most people prefer the safety and comfort of the herd--
Those who do not are usually castigated and universally misunderstood.

[sailorchic34]

Originally Posted by rognvald

Most people prefer the safety and comfort of the herd--
Those who do not are usually castigated and universally misunderstood.

I rather not be a lemming. I don't moo very well either.

[captain58sailin]

Tall poppy syndrome.

[Tallswede]

LOL, some of these posts are so funny I shouldn't be reading at work. The laughing caused someone across the hall to check on me! My wife and I are social,,,most of the time. When we are anchored out and want to be alone I'll sit in the cockpit drinking my sundowner in the buff and it usually scares away interlopers. If it doesn't, I figure they must be OK folks.

Kevin

[Hudson Force]

Originally Posted by Tallswede

LOL, some of these posts are so funny I shouldn't be reading at work. .....................

Kevin

"Work"! You're scaring all of us!

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I don't think he has any idea where Kansas is. He's referring to Americans. Residents of the good old U.S.A.

I'm not sure where he's from, but that's the type of bigot I'd rather not run into anywhere. I don't judge anyone by their pocketbook, race or ethnicity, I judge them on their individual merits.

As for the main topic of this thread, I find it kind of odd. Cruising is a lot like RVing, except for on the water instead of on land. Sure there are RVers who dry camp way out in the boonies to get away from the big crowds who circle up and party together at night around the campfire. Most RVers are social types who want to get out and meet people.

If I were that antisocial, I wouldn't buy a boat and pull in where other boaters could bother me. I'd buy a cabin on a small parcel of land way out in the middle of nowhere and lock the door. That's how you get away from people, if that's truly your intent.

That quote is in ref to my post #62.


My apologies to the forum. socaldmax is right; I was wrong.

Until it was pointed out, I hadn't thought my attitude was bigotry but common sense based upon past interactions. Yet the crew on the next vessel pulling into port has no responsibility for anything that may have happened in the past merely because they happen to be flying the US flag.

Again: I was wrong and I apologize to the forum.

James

[Hudson Force]

Thank you, James, I'm in full support!

[BandB]

I guess we fall somewhere in the middle. Actually, I'm shy and my wife has never met a stranger. But someone here expressed the thought of liking to establish deeper relationships rather than just the casual shallow ones. That leads to preferring smaller gatherings. When we're at a marina we love to get together with another couple or family. We invite others to join us and we join them. We build relationships with those persons and remain in touch with them. On the other hand we don't like huge gatherings. We don't do pot luck for numerous reasons including the fact we don't eat food prepared by those we don't know in conditions we don't know. I know many might find that strange but it's a personal thing. We will gladly share meals with those we get acquainted with on an individual basis. Are we anti-social? Our friends say not but those who don't know us may feel we are. Regardless, boating is recreation, a pleasure activity, and it should involve doing those things you enjoy and should not include pressure to do things you don't enjoy. We value our friends highly and have made friends boating. But we don't feel a compulsion to be part of the "group." On land it's the same. We may have 15 or 20 at our home, all friends, on a Sunday. But we don't do country club. We belong to yacht clubs only for reciprocal arrangements.

Now has that been a problem for us? No. We politely decline those things we don't wish to participate in. We don't make excuses or lie or even offer reasons. We simply say, "Thank you but we won't be coming." We will even politely say that a couple of times. Only when someone keeps asking and rudely insists on asking "Why not?" will one of us get rude, normally me with "Because we don't want to" or my wife with "We don't freaking want to." I have been known on occasion to respond to rudeness toward us by saying, "What part of the word, "no", do you not understand?" We are not going to be intimidated or pushed nor made to feel guilty or bad over our choices.

Now one other thing that enters into the equation. That is the consumption of alcohol. We do drink but not as often as many boaters do. We've been surprised at how many choose to drink every evening. We may drink once a week or even less. And we don't go to bars. We have no problem with those who do. It's just not something we enjoy or do. We don't like to be around a lot of drinking people and certainly not around drunk people, nor do we like the smoking in many bars. We don't like the noise in many or in many clubs. That's not anti-social as part of that reason is that we want to talk with those we're there with. We like being able to carry on a conversation. When we drink it's probably at a fine restaurant or it's back on our boat or more likely it's at home with friends on a Friday night. We do have one club at home we enjoy but that's because it's a full time karaoke club which we like. But we go there to sing rather than drink. Again, we're not passing judgement on any others, just these are our preferences.

Another thing the group events and pot luck and bar visits often evolve into is discussion of politics and religion and other highly controversial issues and we don't discuss those in group settings or with strangers. Our close friends know our views on those subjects and we know and respect theirs. But boating is for pleasure for us and sitting in a group where multiple people are arguing politics over their third pitcher of beer is hardly the place we're going to discuss that. Nor do we discuss our business or finances or any of those type things with strangers.

We do stay at marinas mostly as opposed to anchoring although we do enjoy anchoring occasionally as a change of pace. We don't mind the people walking by or the other activity at a marina. If that bothered us, then we'd not stay there. Is it occasionally excessive? Yes. But not so often as to bother us.

As to group or association boating and rendezvous's and buddy boating. We understand both but only participate minimally. We will talk to people about plans and talk about leaving the same day and seeing each other the following night or a few nights later at another location. We even could enjoy a group and meeting them at various points on a cruising plan. But we don't commit to cruising side by side or one behind the other. We prefer to set our own speed. If we want to linger, fine. If we want to move faster, fine. We do keep in touch on the way, communicate as to where we are and others are. But we like doing things on our own schedule.

Now for those attacking others here because of their preferences, that makes no sense and is not appropriate. Why so intolerant of those who feel differently about things and about activities. There is nothing elitist about not liking large groups or pot luck. I didn't like them when I was 10 years old and the pot luck meals were at church. This isn't money related nor ethnic nor race nor status nor anything other than just simply people who are different. Most of us are complex humans and our personalities reflect that, our likes and dislikes sometimes even surprising. My wife and I have different personalities, but we then have those collective preferences. We have friends who enjoy things different than us.

This is just who we are and we're happy with that. We are WYSIWYG. We hope our friends are as well. But frankly we don't really care how total strangers feel about that. They don't know us and if they want to make superficial judgments, then so be it.

[tomfl]

Originally Posted by atoll

The Great Unwashed will seek you out,knowing you have an ice maker on board and an endless supply of spare parts..........

You will be hounded by boat boys selling over priced bannanas,once the word goes round you refuse to haggle,and pay top dollar.......

Other check book sailors,with bigger budgets,bigger boats,will anchor on top of you,so as to make their vessels look more fabulous,and bigger compared to your little 50 footer...........

Wonderblond,who i'm sure is a lovely person,after 4 weeks at sea with you and your scribblings,will actively seek out other female counterparts around the wash tub in nuka hiva to discuss girly things........resulting in a string of social invitations,that will be unavoidable,as these will be your peer group and support network for the rest of the looooong pacific crossing

Resistance is futile

Can't remember where but there was a line in some movie along the lines of "I am getting sick of this working class hero crap".

Also remember hearing some psych prof say every one things they are normal and everyone else is on one side or the other of the bell curve.

I thought I had a nice boat, Seawind cat, and so did the guy I met who was on a kayak in the Dry Tortugas. Really enjoyed diving and fishing with him and cooking the catch on a grill in the campground. On the other hand my boat was put to shame by the motor vessel that anchored maybe 100 yards off my port. Looked like a custom job, but it did have a Yellowfin 29 as a tender.

I am not sure where I fall in the spectrum of hippie squatter to check book cruiser but I am reminded of what my Granny use to say:

"There is so much good in the worst of us
and so much bad in the best of us
it's hard to tell them from the rest of us."

[Hudson Force]

Originally Posted by BandB

.................. No. We politely decline those things we don't wish to participate in. We don't make excuses or lie or even offer reasons. We simply say, "Thank you but we won't be coming." .............................

BandB continues on with many more paragraphs of the troubles of declining an invitation, but this is it! It's extremey easy to say no and that's the end! I'm surprised at how many seem to think that there is a continuing pressure or guilt in declining. "NO" is easy! It's done! You are not expeced to prodiuce an explanation!

[socaldmax]

Didn't some dead guy once say, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

I've never seen so many people complain about other people trying to do the right thing and invite others to a social event. Christ, if they threw a party and didn't invite you, you'd be calling them snobs and spitting in their direction every time you passed their boat.

At least the one who was going to claim she was bathing her cat was honest enough to admit no one had invited her to anything in the last 10 yrs. OK, if people have been steering clear of you for 10 yrs, chances are you probably don't have anything to worry about for the next 10 yrs or so.


I've always been deathly afraid that NASA was going to send me up to the ISS. I HATE Russian built space stations, and especially Russian built rockets. Even though capitalists complain about US rockets being built by the lowest bidder, at least they weren't built by communists who have even less motivation than the winning bidder.

I've already worked up my elaborate excuse: I'm going to tell them I can't go because I'm attending a big potluck event at the marina and we're all getting together to cook our cats. That's actually what sweet and sour chicken is. Cat.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by CaptForce

I'm surprised at how many seem to think that there is a continuing pressure or guilt in declining. "NO" is easy! It's done! You are not expeced to prodiuce an explanation!

Some may expect an explanation, but doesn't mean you have to give one.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I've never seen so many people complain about other people trying to do the right thing and invite others to a social event.

I don't think the complaint is being invited. I think the complaint is that some who issue the invitations get upset over them being turned down. To those who accept a polite "no", I certainly have no complaint and do appreciate the invitation. To those who act as if there is something wrong with you when you decline the invitation, I do think they're crossing the line. We invite people to join us for various things but we are careful to never apply pressure. In fact, typically we'll say things like "We're going to walk to town. You'd be welcome to join us if you'd like." When they say "Maybe another time" or "We're just going to relax this afternoon" we accept it and smile and move on. We don't press with, "Are you sure you don't want to? It would be fun? We're going to such and such. Come on. Why don't you want to?" And the classic, "Everyone else is coming" when, of course, everyone else never comes to anything.

We've never had a problem with it but I know one very nice lady who is diabetic and has been hurt over people not respecting that she couldn't eat the food and preferred not to join. We were sitting with her one evening when one of the Party Commandos came by with cake for her. She said, "I'm sorry but I can't eat it." The commando then had the audacity to say, "Oh, just one slice won't hurt you. Don't be so anti-social."

It's just a matter of respect and acceptance by all. We have no problem with those who enjoy the gatherings or invite us. You're right, people would be hurt if not invited.

[Blue Crab]

SCM: "... I'm attending a big potluck event at the marina and we're all getting together to cook our cats. That's actually what sweet and sour chicken is. Cat."

Holy Hairballs Batman! Talk about letting the cat out of the bag! Among potluck-inclined yet budget-minded cruisers, Cat is well known as "the other other white meat." It's not just for hippie squatters anymore.

Hell yeah, I'll come to the potluck and thanks for asking! Have a nice morning, afternoon, and night, neighbor.