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Old 12-04-2008, 06:08   #1
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No More Company...EVER.

We used to say that our boat drinks 10, eats 6, sleeps 4. The Holding Pattern Department of the Interior has revised these statistics...it now sleeps 2.

Both before the trip and upon arrival of company we explained many things about the boat and liveaboard life, including the head. You may think you see where this is going, but I guarantee, you have no idea. I will keep the identity if the visitor hidden because my wife would kill me if I disclosed it was the evil stepmother-in-law.

Three somewhat uneventful days go by and everyone goes into town for a walk while I say behind and work on routine filter maintenance. I hear a low whine and realize the bilge is running, the engine had just been on for a few so I pop below to find the cause.

The bilge access I need is in the aft cabin, company's quarters. I move a bag from the floor to the mattress (and in the process have to move a small country's worth of fake nails from the floor) in frustration I just push the rug back so I can have a look-see at the bilge, it is more important than some clothes getting wrinkled.

As I am on my knees peering into the abyss, I notice a pungent smell and realize I am kneeling in water...only it isn't water...the visitor has decided that instead of using the head at night, that a tupperware container would suffice...only it isn't really tupperware, it is Dollar Store brand Tapperwore, and the lid is off and I am swimming in the contents, liquid only, but really...isn't that enough?

I sop up what I can and make so I don't track elsewhere, pull out the Laphroaig 15yr Scotch, take a drink, then another. Call my wife to say we have a problem. The rest is routine cleanup and as the story now goes, I am the Great Satan, second only to Bin Laden in the hierarchy of evil
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Old 12-04-2008, 07:25   #2
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Too funny! I suspect that the virtual manual of instructions and the cautions issued with respect to the use of the standard maine toilet may have scared her out of using it. Still, no actual damage done, Bin Brian. And it does make for a great story!

Brad
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Old 12-04-2008, 08:03   #3
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Hehehehe Now dat's mighty funny... hey.... waitaminute.... there's bound to be some poo hidden on your boat somewhere. I wonder where your going to find that---ewwwwww......
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Old 12-04-2008, 09:24   #4
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Tupperware is always looking for new uses for their products. I wonder if a tupperware container qualifies as a holding tank in the Coast Guard regulations.
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Old 12-04-2008, 10:51   #5
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Proper use of the head is often the "Make or Break" event of having guests aboard for any overnight or extended cruise. This is however one that I had not thought of and would have had contingency plans for....
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Old 12-04-2008, 10:59   #6
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LOL wow that sucks, we've had tons of guests stay with us, we love it, but none that do any of that. We wouldn't invite them back..... of course most of my inlaws live on or have lived on boats so that makes it easy.
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Old 12-04-2008, 22:41   #7
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"Evil step-mother" is a redundant phrase. Its okay just to say "evil"...we know who you mean.
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Old 12-04-2008, 23:55   #8
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How to use the head - gone wrong

I have similar story. I always tell folks that nothing goes strait into the head unless is has been eaten first or it's toilet paper. I unfortunately mentioned that even if someone ate cherry pits that the pits could break the head.

The next day we had a apple pie. The guest, being extra careful, wanted to make sure there was no chance of breaking the toilet so every time he went #2 he scooped it out. I saw him one morning several days later tossing something off the back of the boat and asked what he was doing. He said, "you caught me!"

Yuck!
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Old 13-04-2008, 02:58   #9
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15 yr old Laphroaig is a wonderful scotch and with that strong peaty taste can accompany almost everything.

Smoked oysters are my favourite and highly recommended over anybodies piss, however a good captain should never turn down any opportunity to delegate night movement diplomacy to the Admiral.

Nobody wants to be a Bin loo den!
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Old 13-04-2008, 06:58   #10
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If a friend ever asks you to help him track down a leak on his boat NEVER taste the water to see if it's salt or fresh! He could have a leaking holding tank.
I'm not tellin how I know this.
Dave
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Old 13-04-2008, 08:08   #11
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Thanks for the laugh. I had so much fun reading these tales, I forgot the reply.

John
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Old 13-04-2008, 11:32   #12
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I had a charter guest once who complained that the head was not functioning correctly. It was a defensive posture as this was the second time in a week and she was looking over my sholder. It turned out to be an intake water issue so she was in the clear. However when I spotted somthing in the rim I used needle nose plyers and pulled out an eel about And it slapped her in the face. She will never use a head again. Problem solved.
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Old 02-07-2008, 09:44   #13
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Hey guys these are great the only thing that happend to me was I was on my friends boat and we had some other guests there that didn't no how to use the head and somehow one of them managed to turn the pressure up and it every where by the way he was seasick so my friend got to clean it up.
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Old 02-07-2008, 14:07   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
15 yr old Laphroaig is a wonderful scotch and with that strong peaty taste can accompany almost everything.
Smoked oysters are my favourite and highly recommended over anybodies piss ...
What Scots may boast of as a "peat bog", we Canadians call a "swamp". Even a wonderful scotch (whiskey), is still only distilled & aged sheep piss, filtered through a swamp.

Notwithstanding, I too, would prefer the strong, peaty taste of
Laphroaig, over most people's urine.

The above opinion is handicapped by many years of consuming prodigious quantities of "real" rye whiskey (CC & CR).


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Old 03-07-2008, 04:15   #15
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Gord on this one I unfortunately must take you to task.

Whisky comes from Malt and must be aged a minimum of three years by law.
Rye comes from rye and is improperly referred to as a whiskey (don't ask me where that started)
Bourbon comes from corn and the the Liars known as marketing agents are responsible on that one being called whiskey
The list of Spirit liquors (those distilled from fermentation and unblended with other flavorings than their own kind) goes on and on.

I enjoy some very fine Whisky and Rye and can say the a peat moor is a good bit different than most the swamps I have been in both Michigan and Ontario. Though a few of the Bogs where similar.

Hope no offense is taken just on of my buttons.

Michael


Quote:
Originally Posted by GordMay View Post
What Scots may boast of as a "peat bog", we Canadians call a "swamp". Even a wonderful scotch (whiskey), is still only distilled & aged sheep piss, filtered through a swamp.

Notwithstanding, I too, would prefer the strong, peaty taste of
Laphroaig, over most people's urine.

The above opinion is handicapped by many years of consuming prodigious quantities of "real" rye whiskey (CC & CR).


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