I'm Honestly Not Sure Which Forum To Put This In, So Here Goes ...

[Tom Stormcrowe]

OK, let's start this off. I've had the bug for long distance cruising on a small boat since I was a teenager, and unfortunately, never really had the opportunity because I was "too busy" with life and what happens when I make other plans than what the universe served up. I've had health issues and have really changed a lot of my priorities over the last few years. I'm rehabbing a small pocket cruiser, as some of you know, and as a platform, it's going to be a fairly capable boat, all things considered.

The health issues are cardiac. I have persistent Atrial Fibrillation, which is rarely fatal in and of itself. The highest likelihood is the potential for a thunderclap stroke that will likely kill me before I hit the deck. There are worse ways to go....and this leads me to the crux of this post.


I'm 52 years old, and have been a professional and self supporting since I got out of High School, and have lived and worked in many regions of this planet. Now, I mentioned the idea of long distance sailing to my family, and the idea literally horrified them. They seem to prefer me all wrapped up in bubble wrap, and not taking ANY risks. I have health clearance from my cardiologists, who basically told me, "Yeah, go out and live life!".

What I need are suggestions on just how to tell my family that I'm not a child, and it's my life to live as I choose, and to step off.......without creating a fatal rift. They don't seem to get it that I'd always lived a very active life, and done risky work for a living, and that if it comes down to it, I'd rather die living my dream than to merely "exist", and the risks of this decision and the consequences are mine alone, and they just need to accept it.

I don't have any children, and I have my own money, and even if I kick the bucket, my wife will never have to work a day in her life if she doesn't want to. Oh, I should mention that my wife is fully supportive of this. She's literally the only one, though.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

[mbianka]

I think you know the answer to your dilemma. My two cents is you could stay on shore and possibly die staring up at the roof of an ambulance on the way to the hospital or you could be in some nice anchorage staring up at the stars. I know which one I would choose.

[In Training]

Good grief, you're 52 years old! I thought at first when I was reading your post it was your wife that was the relative you were having the problem with -- but then you said she was ok with it.

Nothing you do is anybody else's business. Just do your thing.

Never ask "permission" or "understanding" from anyone. Just setting yourself up for judgment and denial if you do that.

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe

I'm 52 years old, and have been a professional and self supporting since I got out of High School, and have lived and worked in many regions of this planet.

I'd always lived a very active life, and done risky work for a living, and that if it comes down to it, I'd rather die living my dream than to merely "exist", and the risks of this decision and the consequences are mine alone, and they just need to accept it.

It sounds as though you have said all you can already.

The rest is just arguing.

From what I have read from lots of others planning to head out there is just no convincing some at all. Arguing just makes it worse.

Don't talk to them on the subject. When you are ready, say goodbye.....and go.

[In Training]

I realize they are just concerned about your health and you being on a boat and having an attack of some kind, but that can happen anywhere. Again, don't discuss it, you will never get their approval, just do it.

[Tom Stormcrowe]

Yeah, I'm just a bit irritated is all. I made the mistake of just mentioning some small plans to a particular family member, my Aunt, when she asked why I'd bought the boat. The reason was my Uncle's one trip to the Bahamas. He crewed for an incompetent skipper (His words....I can't judge, I wasn't there, and they didn't founder, so I'll reserve judgement) and had the brown organic stuff scared out of him in some heavy weather. She proceeded to organize an "intervention", like I was on drugs or something. Now I'm fielding constant calls trying to get me to change plans.

[In Training]

I just laughed out loud at work. That is sooo funny.
Ok, so act like you are changing your plans to get them off your back and then go.

My husband and I just get people looking at us like we are out of our minds. Some people have heard that we are putting our house up for sale next year and when they ask why, we tell them and they look at us like we are just plain crazy, stupid, really childish, etc.

You get responses like they think you would just go out and ignore weather warnings -- or they talk about pirates and how unsafe it is.
I ask them: Well, if I asked you to go for a walk, would you go for a walk in Harlem? No, you wouldn't be that stupid.
Would you leave your door unlocked when you go to bed at night here, anywhere here on land? So, you think it is any safer here?
They are just afraid of the unknown. You will never change them, just smile and go.

[MysticGringo]

Tell them you gave it up so they lay off, then send them postcards. They'd have to all go on vacation for the next "intervention".

[Therapy]

Lots told us the same thing..........and we only went down the west coast of FL to the keys for a month.

[stevensc]

Keep a blog and let them follow you and keep in touch on your trip.
Think about this:

A small boy heard the ocean roar,
There are secrets on my distant shore,
But beware my child, the ships bell’s wail,
Wait not too long to start to sail.
So quickly come and go the years,
And a young adult stands abeach with fears,
Com on, Come on the ocean cussed,
Time passes on. Oh sail you must.
Now its business in mid-aged prime,
And maybe tomorrow there will be time,
Now is too soon, its raining today,
Gone all gone-years are eaten away.
An old man looks, still feeling the lure,
Yet he’ll suffer the pain, than go for the cure,
The hair is white, the steps with care,
The tide has turned, he is aware.
So all too soon the secrets are buried,
Along with him and all regrets he carried,
And it’s not for the loss of secrets he cried,
But rather because he’d never tried.

Bon voyage
Steve W

[sarafina]

On first thought I would have said "Get some brass ones" and tell them where to get off. But on second thought I'm amending it to bronze. Fares better on that sweet little cruiser you are fitting out ; -)

Remember how much easier it is to get forgivness than permission. Just don't discuss it and go. They will survive, and it sounds as if you will too!

Have a great sail!!

[In Training]

How many of you have had mothers (age 87) thinking that the only people that go sailing are the ones that don't have parents. She actually has said that.

Gave up promotion and transfer to texas 15 years ago when my dad died, so she would not be alone (dad, greatgrandmother and aunt - all lived with my mom and they all three died within 9 weeks of each other). Now getting the drift that I shouldn't leave until she passes.
I am not an only child and it wouldn't matter if I was. All the women in my family live to the ages of 97-101, so that means I wouldn't be able to leave for another 10-12 years and I am 62 now. It will be too late then and I will have given up my whole life to make her happy.

Not gonna happen.

The day I retire I'm out of here and I am pushing my husband to sell everything so that can happen as soon as possible. People will steal your life if you let them.

[rtbates]

Here's a thought. Maybe, just maybe they're afraid of how much they'll miss you!

Missed place anger is often the result..

[bruce smith]

Originally Posted by MysticGringo

Tell them you gave it up so they lay off, then send them postcards. They'd have to all go on vacation for the next "intervention".

ha ha ha ha ha that's great!
Sending Christmas cards from Antigua has been my personal "ef you" for years!

[Tom Stormcrowe]

Don't anyone get me wrong....I have no plans tp change plans. I'm just venting a bit where folk might just understand the reason it's so irritating to me.