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Old 23-03-2015, 07:59   #76
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

I understand everything you are concerned about and I would say you are a little thin skinned and most likely a very decent person that would like to be treated as such..That being said everybody else is not like that or at least not all the time.. You had a run in with a fellow that rubbed you wrong,learn a lesson and move on dont let it bother you and do unto others as you would have done unto you and all should be ok..You keep jumping in the middle of this gang and we all become Captain Bligh ..You learned a valuable lesson(inadvertently) and now its time to move on..
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:04   #77
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

I appreciate your comment oldragbaggers.

The person you first meet is not always the same person when you get to know them, this was the case. I'm still new to sailing, and this was my first time (in the sailing community) I felt discriminated against. I didn't expect it, honestly, but now, I know that I should, and I have an idea of how to handle it better. Overall we kept a positive attitude towards the cruise and the captain for as long as we could, it just seemed like nothing was good enough.
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:08   #78
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

many shouldas here
shoulda met n conversed on dock or over coffee somewhere
shoulda sucked the noodles without utensil as the boat, which comes first-- not the people, was busy.
shoulda had much more actual experience OR opened brain and asked questions as things were done to mortify you.
he could have been testing your ability and knowledge as you ventured into HIS comfort zone and out of your own.
the only way to learn is to open your brain and learn
btw..if a ship is coming dead on at ye YOU MOVE. you need not receive orders..is common sense.
sailing is a lot more than managing sails and following a freeking gps.
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:11   #79
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

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many shouldas here
shoulda met n conversed on dock or over coffee somewhere
shoulda sucked the noodles without utensil as the boat, which comes first-- not the people, was busy.
shoulda had much more actual experience OR opened brain and asked questions as things were done to mortify you.
he could have been testing your ability and knowledge as you ventured into HIS comfort zone and out of your own.
the only way to learn is to open your brain and learn
btw..if a ship is coming dead on at ye YOU MOVE. you need not receive orders..is common sense.
I didn't post this to be told what I should have done. It's over now, and I can't take anything back, or ask any questions. I simply asked "what would you do?" not "what did I do wrong?"
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:16   #80
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

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I didn't post this to be told what I should have done. It's over now, and I can't take anything back, or ask any questions. I simply asked "what would you do?" not "what did I do wrong?"
well what you should have done and what I would have done is talk it over with the skipper, what I wouldn't have done is to just skip out without having had the discussion and then posted it on a forum full of boat owners
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:17   #81
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

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I didn't post this to be told what I should have done. It's over now, and I can't take anything back, or ask any questions. I simply asked "what would you do?" not "what did I do wrong?"
Simple answer. Consensus is no one would recommend repeating what you did. So, by extension you can pretty well assume nobody would have done what you did. Imagine all other possiibilities and you have your answer.
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:17   #82
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

I to have crewed, and have had great to terrifying experiences.
I think it comes down to the self confidence and the communication ability
Of the captain/owner. A self confidant captain does not have to yell at their crew. A captain operating out of their confidence zone always yells
to cover there own insecurities. The ability to communicate is key
"Let that rope go" is not the same as "ease the jib"
A self confident experienced captain can calmly and clearly communicate
to his crew things needed to be done and in what sequence.
Let's not even get into what I refer to as the "Thermon Munson Syndrome"
Where people buy big boats or aircraft because they have the money but not the
experience or judgement to safely operate them. These are the most dangerous
Captains
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:24   #83
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

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Simple answer. Consensus is no one would recommend repeating what you did. So, by extension you can pretty well assume nobody would have done what you did. Imagine all other possiibilities and you have your answer.
I wouldn't assume that, because I have been told by others in this thread that I did the right thing. And I still stand by that we did the right thing. I don't accept verbal abuse from anyone, nor should anyone else.
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:30   #84
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

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I didn't post this to be told what I should have done. It's over now, and I can't take anything back, or ask any questions. I simply asked "what would you do?" not "what did I do wrong?"
ij
what would i have done ??
1--i da sucked up my noodles which should have been given AFTER the busy time
2--i da learned what i coulda learned as much and fast as i could while asking questions about rationale
3-i da had coffee or somesuch on land to see if personalities meshed.
HOWEVER, as you are still too new to know what to ask, this could be most difficult.
asvyou statev hat you have a boat-- go out and sail it.
learn to read weather before you are stuck in a bad situation
learn what to ask on next big adventure.
the only way to learn this is to DO it.
have a merry life
oh and btw...sailing IS sexist. always was always will be. grow thicker skin or find some kind of girl play.

yes i AM a sailing female curmudgeon, and i been learning since i was seven years of age and lived aboard in a mans world since 1990..yes i too am a neophyte as are we all in this lifestyle, until we die, hopefully at sea.

btw..i DO know BAD skipper/ owners and yes i have sailed with them ...yours was not a bad cpt. he was testing you. you unfortunately failed.
sorry. facts and nothing but the facts
what to do now?? when i was stranded in a strange land by a yelling bligh i went home n used my new found knowledge base to my advantage.
i went out sailing again on opb with a curmudgeon for a near year and.learned even more.
now i cruise my own ketch in warm tropical waters.

this captain is bad stuff is important in learning and development and growth.
those who stay with this lifestyle grow thick skins and continue to learn.at least yer not a male nurse in a womans world. talk about sexism.....
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:35   #85
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

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I wouldn't assume that, because I have been told by others in this thread that I did the right thing. And I still stand by that we did the right thing. I don't accept verbal abuse from anyone, nor should anyone else.
You can add to my list, stubborn and self righteous.
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:36   #86
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

I can understand the difference between someone being stern and someone being a complete jerk. I can tolerate sternness, because there will be situations in sailing that are not fun and games.
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:38   #87
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

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I understand everything you are concerned about and I would say you are a little thin skinned and most likely a very decent person that would like to be treated as such..That being said everybody else is not like that or at least not all the time.. You had a run in with a fellow that rubbed you wrong,learn a lesson and move on dont let it bother you and do unto others as you would have done unto you and all should be ok..You keep jumping in the middle of this gang and we all become Captain Bligh ..You learned a valuable lesson(inadvertently) and now its time to move on..
I think this is just about right

Being on board a ship or a yacht is close quarters for long periods on end, and sometimes under considerable stress. It is a particular pressure cooker for human relations.

Successful attitudes for this pressure cooker may be different from what you are used to on land.

A couple of tips:

1. The captain is the boss, not you. And that is a double-edged sword -- it also means that he is responsible, not you. Except in extreme cases, you should not question the orders of the captain. Do what he says and relax -- you are not responsible except to do your jobs.

2. That does not mean that you shouldn't bring up your opinion on what should be done. Different captains have different attitudes about this and maybe under different circumstances, too. I have a lot of experience leading groups of people on land, and my particular style is to discuss, take feedback, and get consensus, but that's not the only way to do it. It's up to the captain to decide, and if he doesn't want your feedback, then keep it to yourself.

3. That applies to everything which goes on on board, including how to dispose of waste and how to maneuver the vessel in a crossing situation with a ship, among many other things. He is responsible for these things, not you.

4. Whatever happens, don't flip the captain any 'tude. Do what he says cheerfully, even if you don't like it. This is essential to the smooth functioning of the voyage. The main thing expected from crew is to pitch in, work, help out in every way you can think of, and maintain a cheerful attitude even in the face of adversity. Everything else is secondary, even your skills.


To directly answer your question, "What to do about a Bad Captain?" The answer is clear -- do what he says. If you don't like it, then do what he says anyway, but just don't come back on board that vessel again -- you have an absolute right to that. If you don't like it, and it seems to you that he is putting you in actual danger, then you can jump ship. That's a pretty harsh measure, and may earn you a bad reputation, but if your safety is at risk, then maybe worth it.


I have had literally dozens of strangers on board my boat as crew. After the first voyage together, I classify them according to several categories: (a) don't invite on board again; (b) ok; (c) great; (d) lifelong friends. So far in all these years, not one single person has landed in the (a) category -- not one. And very few in the (b) category. This despite the fact that people come in off the street (more exactly, from crew exchange boards in the Internet), and sometimes grossly misrepresent their skills.

I had one guy who claimed to be an ex-racer and great sailor -- he turned out to be a 17 year old boy who knew almost nothing about sailing. Fond of drinking and smoking pot, to boot. But we were stuck together for a week, and I identified a whole list of useful skills, and we ended up getting along just fine. I had to lay down the law about pot and booze, but we worked it out ok. In fact, he joined me for 15 or 20 more trips; he was regular crew until unfortunately he moved to Australia, and by the end had become an excellent sailor. I have never had a single bad experience with crew, and have had very many wonderful experiences.


The point is -- human relations on board are different from on land. You can't bitch and moan and complain about things. Accept the things you are not responsible for. Be cheerful at all costs. There is a certain type of person who bubbles with resentment, when put into a situation where he doesn't agree with the leader. This attitude doesn't work at sea. The reason why you got so much negative reaction on here, I think, is because of that. It's not quite seamanlike, to bitch about your captain -- it's a land attitude which doesn't belong at sea in the closed environment of a vessel at sea.

It doesn't mean that it's ok for the captain to be abusive, if he really was. But the remedy for that is to not go back. Meanwhile, you have to cheerfully do what he says -- that's the way it works.
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:47   #88
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

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I wouldn't assume that, because I have been told by others in this thread that I did the right thing. And I still stand by that we did the right thing. I don't accept verbal abuse from anyone, nor should anyone else.
Please refresh. Not really interested in going back to reread all your posts. Specifically what was the verbal or other alleged abuse?

Quotes would be nice. Or even a paraphrase.
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:48   #89
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

Thanks Dockhead! We are very honest when talking about our abilities. I believe it can only get you into worse trouble if you claim to know what you're doing, and not have a clue. That is why I have said on here, yes, we have the basic knowledge necessary to sail a boat, but I won't say we know how to sail a boat in gale force winds, or high swells.

We went off shore near the GA SC border, and it was extremely calm and nice on the ocean. I know not to expect that from the ocean all the time. Brace for the worst.

We honestly did feel our safety was a risk, and the naysayers can laugh all they want. We used our best judgement to assess the situation, and made a decision based on that. It wasn't an over night decision, we contemplated all of our options, and jumping seemed the best option for us at the time.

I have already admitted that yes, we should have talked to him about it. We were wrong not to, but the damage is done. I don't think that this is a typical crewing experience, I realize people are just people.
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Old 23-03-2015, 08:50   #90
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Re: How do you deal with a bad captain?

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Please refresh. Not really interested in going back to reread all your posts. Specifically what was the verbal or other alleged abuse?

Quotes would be nice. Or even a paraphrase.
I didn't claim there to be any other "alleged abuse" but as was stated in the last page or so, a confident captain should have no reason to yell at the people who are obeying his orders and doing everything he says. When we're being called stupid, I consider that verbal abuse. I'm not going to do any work for you. It seems like you have only been reading the replies that agree with you.
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