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Old 22-08-2009, 17:58   #1
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Getting Fat Bums On Board

Stuffed if I didn’t get Sea Life into a difficult predicament last night.

We invited 3 locals for Sundowners and dinner.

We are at the scummiest marina in Asia (at least there is a marina) I borrowed a set of steps from a tourist boat to lay alongside the shrouds.
The dock is very low floating type. Dock too short to get to Sea Lifes swim platform.
Sea Life is a fairly high sided, but only 39 feet so not that high.

Well it took a bit of pushing and shoving to get the guests aboard, can I tell you!

But the big problem was after dinner getting the rotund 58 year olds off Sea Life!

Nicolle told one of the women to just jump into my arms. Either that chic has an inflated idea of my strength or the bitch is trying to kill me. But I did manage to help manoeuvre one of creations largest posteriors over Sea Lifes side.

The other woman wasn’t too bad after she decided to take her shoes off and allow us to pass down her 3 or 4 handbags.

That left the man.

He point blank refused to try and leap over the lifelines!

I thought it was going to be 3 for breakfast!!

He would eat us out of house and chillies!!! (I have to tell ya that story too)

I ended up unscrewing the life lines so he could sit on the gunwales and find the step with his feet.

Someone with a good Fat Bum Loading Method might educate me please! Or at least a similar story so I don't feel like a dork



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Old 22-08-2009, 18:21   #2
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LOL, GREAT story!! Just tell them to do a monkey roll!
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Old 22-08-2009, 19:03   #3
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LMAO Great story Mark.

My little 25' boat had a section in the lifelines with a detachable hasp (not sure what the proper name was)...it was handy on all boarding occasions and especially for older folks and folks that partook in a few too many adult refreshments. That type of lifeline hardware (and what would have to be an inherent weak point) probably wouldn't be a safe addition to a Bluewater boat, however. Oh, and just so you don't feel like a dork...even with the section of lifelines out of the way, I had to catch several people as they nearly fell off the boat on different occasions...a few of them were even sober. LOL
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Old 22-08-2009, 20:29   #4
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Maybe a cattle prod, the electric kind, seems to convince cattle to jump into the trucks, probably they dont know where the truck is taking them.
How did they manage in the head? I have a large friend who is wanting to go for a weekend trip I doubt he'll be able to fit in there. I'll have bucket on standby.
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Old 22-08-2009, 21:32   #5
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Old 22-08-2009, 21:48   #6
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Quote:
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The other woman wasn’t too bad after she decided to take her shoes off and allow us to pass down her 3 or 4 handbags.
You exaggerate, Mark . . . she only had two handbags!

http://blogs.salon.com/0002916/image...fat%20ass2.jpg

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Old 22-08-2009, 21:58   #7
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After a two week stay with one on our boat while we were in Mexico, both the wife and I agreed:

NO MORE FAT CHICKS ON THE BOAT AT ANY TIME ANY PLACE FOR ANY REASON !!!

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Old 22-08-2009, 22:11   #8
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Stuffed if I didn’t get Sea Life into a difficult predicament last night. ~ We invited 3 locals for Sundowners and dinner. ... Dock too short to get to Sea Lifes swim platform.... Perhaps turn the vessel around ?

But the big problem was after dinner getting the rotund 58 year olds off Sea Life.....!

Someone with a good Fat Bum Loading Method might educate me please! Or at least a similar story so I don't feel like a dork

Mark
Helium balloon with harness ... or – Convert to a multihull where you can partially submerge one hull ~ like a floating dock ~ till it is level with the marina dock. Pumping out will help work up an appetite and shed a couple of kilos into the bargain.

Another point for multihulls that I've not seen mentioned elsewhere; CruisersForums really has their act together.

I had an oversized owner, luckily a happy man, on a great three master called 'Lover Boy'. The funny story here was calling the Aloha Tower for permission to enter harbour: Calling Honolulu traffic control — this is "Lover Boy"....... NO answer ! Who do they think they are !
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Old 22-08-2009, 22:21   #9
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My buddy swears he's gonna start living aboard for this reason. He's single and has over the years made a few poor alcohol-induced decisions involving women. He figures the test of whether they can get on the boat or not is a good assurance he won't be listing to port in the morning!!

But once a big bum is on board? Same as my buddy- ya gotta give them a ride on the dinghy! :P
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Old 23-08-2009, 00:53   #10
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We invited 3 locals for Sundowners and dinner.
....
Someone with a good Fat Bum Loading Method might educate me please! Or at least a similar story so I don't feel like a dork
That's good story. We're really careful about who we invite, i.e., no lard-a$#es, lubbers or whiners (esp. those who love to talk about topics best avoided in polite company.) We're shooting for a pleasant for everyone, including us.

I look at it this way: we're saving them from possible humillation and/injury. I wouldn't expect to be invited by a bunch pro cyclists to go on a weekend ride or to play soccer with ... just about anyone. There are some investments not just anyone can get into either; this is similar.

Otherwise, I suggest a swiss seat or double bowline on a bite and using the main halliard to winch them up. That is, if the halliard can take it.
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Old 23-08-2009, 05:54   #11
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bet they float

I was goin to the boat onthe lanuch the other day and there was a pretty big guy on the lanuch (at least a 500 pounder). Lanuch pulled up to a power boat and I wondered how this guy was going to get up to the deck onto what was about a 1 foot wide spot. I stayed well clear as if he didn't make it i wasn't going to be the one to break his fall back into the lanuch. Somehoe he made it up the steps from the lanuch the the big one up to the deck. After as the lanuch was taking me to my boat Icommented to the driver the the whole thing sure didn't look safe to me. He told me he agreed and that this guys goes onto the boat a lot. I looked back and he was still hanging onto the side of the boat on the deck and had not stepped down into the cockpit yet, and the boat was listing pretty good.

Guess I have to give the guy credit for boating.
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Old 23-08-2009, 07:27   #12
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Brings back some really bad memories of a "Guest" I had a couple of seasons ago for a weeks cruise. She was unable to get out of the dink onto the swim platform. She had to Flop into the dink from the boat and I would have to run the dink aground and roll her over the RIB's sides and she would fall into the wet sand and take several minutes to get up. I'm a tall guy at just about 210# and I suspect she was near 350#. No way I could lift her.

On 2nd day I rigged a "rescue" harness attached to the boom with block and tackle from a spare boomvange to be used in-case she ever went overboard. I really thing I would have had to tie her up along side and sail to the nearest port with a derrick to get her back on land.

Cost went through the roof due to the need to take a slip so she could get off the boat and it also significantly reduced the areas we could visit.

Was very relieved when time came for her to fly home. I can swear the dink also gave a sound of relief, or maybe it was just from a hole from all the beaching?

Never Never again, No Fat Chicks!!!
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Old 23-08-2009, 08:46   #13
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... "fat bums", "bitch" ...

???

b.
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Old 23-08-2009, 08:58   #14
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Both the Admiral and I are heavier than we should be, but age of joints does more to impede our entry and exit to boat and dock. The idea of jumping down even a couple of feet and taking the load on my arthritic knees is a fright. I did get one new knee last year and that helped.

Our catamaran has sugar scoops and when there is a low floating dock, we pull the stern in close and step across.

I suppose retrofitting Sea Life with a sugar scoop is out of the question. ;-)
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Old 23-08-2009, 11:23   #15
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Should had done a MOB routine using the boom and mainsheet tackle.
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