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Old 18-12-2010, 21:33   #46
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My greatest concern during our circumnavigation was loosing someone overboard offshore. My kids were in their teens, and if they were lost at sea, it would have haunted me for the rest of my life. We periodically threw coconuts off the stern and had everyone watch them recede into the distance. It was a strong reminder that going overboard can easily be a terminal event.

On the positive side, it drove home the point that you never go forward without someone in the cockpit watching you in the unlikely even that you go over the side.

I was also concerned about the trampolines in bad weather. When beating to weather for days on end, sometimes there was fatigue and failure in the eye bolts anchoring the trampolines in place. After being caught in a storm north of New Zealand, there were gaps in the trampoline attachment points that were large enough for a person to fall through. That's one of the reasons that I tethered a crew member to an extra long spinnaker halyard for safety purposes. If the my son fell through a destroyed trampoline or went over the side when forward, we could easily winch him back on board with the spinnaker halyard already attached.

Having peace of mind on board Exit Only was dependent on many contingency plans. It also helped that we had two rudders, two steering wheels, two engines, water tight bulkheads, two independent fuel systems. Redundancies make it easier to relax in the middle of challenging conditions.
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Old 20-12-2010, 05:22   #47
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I have the same "fear" factor to deal with. I have found what helps for myself personally is to have certain "new" chores on the boat that I perform(we are sporatic on staying on our boat but hope to move to full time). Once those chores are part of my daily habit I add a new one and so forth. That way I ease into the comfort mode of what goes on when you on the boat and not so overwhelmed with "what ifs". I prevent the "what ifs" before they happen. I remember the when it was ALL new to me. Geez! Like learning to scuba dive! I have to put all that crap on me, go under the water and breathe and avoid being eaten, stung or what ever down there in an environment I know nothing about? Baby steps!!!

Great advice from everyone!!!
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Old 20-12-2010, 07:00   #48
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... It also helped that we had two rudders, two steering wheels, two engines, water tight bulkheads, two independent fuel systems. Redundancies make it easier to relax in the middle of challenging conditions.
And, if I recall accurately, two sons.
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Old 21-12-2010, 06:20   #49
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Fear is good as long as it is not debilitating. Unreasonable fear is just that just makes it a miserable unhappy experience. Normal fear is healthy and helps us to find ways to reduce the risk.
Being fearless is not someone i would want to go anywhere with.
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Old 21-12-2010, 09:07   #50
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Partner and I built our first 26' steel yacht and set off from Melbourne for a short cruise around to Westernport Bay. First major psychological hurdle was THE RIP - a nasty piece of water requiring some navigation and timing skills which we might have had but not too sure! Arrived at Queenscliff - the departure point - and hovered about uncertainly. Loads of horror yarns in the pubs by the locals (enjoying the fun I am sure). Some indecision spoken (her) and unspoken (me) about whether to just go back to gunkholeing and give up this BS of ocean sailing. Eventually out of desperation we cornered a local trawler skipper and asked when we should depart. Sort of drawled over his beer "I reckon about now would be OK" - we were out of there and sailing in 5 mins! No problems of course and had a strenuous and exhilarating couple of weeks which confirmed us as cruisers. Still have anxieties but I am sure whatever happens it probably will not be as bad as we imagine.
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Old 21-12-2010, 09:14   #51
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Old 21-12-2010, 09:39   #52
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I am thinking of putting a link on here of the original blog article that got me thinking about this. I think, so far, people have been discussing actual fear. Boat actually in trouble. For example, when I am motoring along listening to engine I scan gauges and temps. All Ok. I turn my head engine sound changes and I get a feeling in stomach, crap. Then I relize all is OK. I wish the thing would die so I can stop worrying. How can you enjoy yourself this way?

Here is the link. The Bilge
I hope she does not mind but she is totally honest.
Fear and Worrying are two different things. Fear can be a learning point, and keeps us alive! Worrying is like being on a treadmill (you aren't going anywhere with it).

"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice."

"Worrying is misuse of an otherwise good imagination"
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Old 21-12-2010, 17:32   #53
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Based on some recent postings I'm starting to fear cruisers.
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Old 21-12-2010, 21:01   #54
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Fear and Worrying are two different things. Fear can be a learning point, and keeps us alive! Worrying is like being on a treadmill (you aren't going anywhere with it).

"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice."

"Worrying is misuse of an otherwise good imagination"

From the original post:

Quote:
I was always worrying about what could go wrong while sailing to the point I could not enjoy myself and I hated it.
I have this problem too. Have not found a cure. It does not affect me "all the time" but seems intrusive when I don't want it to be.

This constant nagging in the back of my head makes me check things more often than needed and perform more maintenance than needed but the converse is that I know what to do in a given situation - or so I think.

It is just in my head and may never go away completely. Like the ringing in my ears.

I have discussed it with my wife and she smiles, knowing I am "type A, and has said she is worry free on the boat. She enjoys it all because she knows I can "fix it" if needed. I can do that. I guess she has seen the sunk ketch at the end of the dock and said to herself, "Hmm. Oh well".

But I worry and create scenarios in my head to go over and over. This is what the OP meant by "fear", I think. Not the "oh crap" when it happens. The nagging fears is what he meant. Intruding on the "pleasantness" that is to be seen through that veil.
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Old 21-12-2010, 21:14   #55
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From the original post:



I have this problem too. Have not found a cure. It does not affect me "all the time" but seems intrusive when I don't want it to be.

This constant nagging in the back of my head makes me check things more often than needed and perform more maintenance than needed but the converse is that I know what to do in a given situation - or so I think.

It is just in my head and may never go away completely. Like the ringing in my ears.

I have discussed it with my wife and she smiles, knowing I am "type A, and has said she is worry free on the boat. She enjoys it all because she knows I can "fix it" if needed. I can do that. I guess she has seen the sunk ketch at the end of the dock and said to herself, "Hmm. Oh well".

But I worry and create scenarios in my head to go over and over. This is what the OP meant by "fear", I think. Not the "oh crap" when it happens. The nagging fears is what he meant. Intruding on the "pleasantness" that is to be seen through that veil.
And this fear keeps the boat afloat!
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Old 21-12-2010, 22:04   #56
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From the original post:



I have this problem too. Have not found a cure. It does not affect me "all the time" but seems intrusive when I don't want it to be.

This constant nagging in the back of my head makes me check things more often than needed and perform more maintenance than needed but the converse is that I know what to do in a given situation - or so I think.

It is just in my head and may never go away completely. Like the ringing in my ears.

I have discussed it with my wife and she smiles, knowing I am "type A, and has said she is worry free on the boat. She enjoys it all because she knows I can "fix it" if needed. I can do that. I guess she has seen the sunk ketch at the end of the dock and said to herself, "Hmm. Oh well".

But I worry and create scenarios in my head to go over and over. This is what the OP meant by "fear", I think. Not the "oh crap" when it happens. The nagging fears is what he meant. Intruding on the "pleasantness" that is to be seen through that veil.
Therapy,

Snap out of it! Keep practicing snapping out of it!

When you are creating these scenarios, stop and look at what the actual conditions are. If they don't match your scenario, stop and enjoy the moment.

I regularly find myself gripping the wheel with fervor (aka white knuckles). A quick check tells me there is no reason for this and I relax, smell the "roses" and enjoy.

Of course, I am now a "forced" C.L.O.D., but that's another story.
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Old 22-12-2010, 14:01   #57
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Therapy,

Snap out of it! Keep practicing snapping out of it!

When you are creating these scenarios, stop and look at what the actual conditions are. If they don't match your scenario, stop and enjoy the moment.

I regularly find myself gripping the wheel with fervor (aka white knuckles). A quick check tells me there is no reason for this and I relax, smell the "roses" and enjoy.

Of course, I am now a "forced" C.L.O.D., but that's another story.
I am working on it.
Hopefully again this April.
November got cancelled due to the chart plotter theft.

And I was going to meet you in an anchorage one day. Dang!
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Old 22-12-2010, 14:22   #58
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The sure-fire, never-fails cure for irrational fear

REAL fear is a gift and we're hardwired to experience it. It's when our senses -- even the ones we may not normally recognize -- say to our conscious minds: Hey, pay attention -- NOW!

Irrational fear -- where we make up some story and then torture ourselves with it over and over -- is entirely different.

And here is the very best solution -- quick, easy, no-cost -- that I personally have ever found for those irrational, nagging fears:



Enjoy!
Rebecca
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Old 22-12-2010, 14:47   #59
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therapy,

Your 'fear' sounds a lot like basic forehandedness.

1) Think about what might go wrong.
2) Come up with a plan to deal with that issue.
3) Prepare your boat and self to perform that plan, with flexibility.
4) Relax and enjoy yourself while still paying attention.
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Old 22-12-2010, 18:21   #60
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therapy,

Your 'fear' sounds a lot like basic forehandedness.

1) Think about what might go wrong.
2) Come up with a plan to deal with that issue.
3) Prepare your boat and self to perform that plan, with flexibility.
4) Relax and enjoy yourself while still paying attention.
That is the ticket, but like the OP said, for some of us number 1 consumes us to the extent that number 4 can be elusive at times.

My wife says I over-think everything. Probably do.

How to be "normal" or "like other people" is something I don't think I can change after 50 something years. Maybe some new fangled laser treatment.
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